Moonstone Cowboy
by worriedeye
Summary: Come with us now on a journey... to The Wild West. Vince is the cheeky young cowboy with a big heart and an even bigger wardrobe. Howard is the dark and lamenting ex-gunslinger trapped in an emotional cycle of guilt and need. Together they are...well...in a spot of bother mostly.
1. Character Synopsis

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Our heroes:**

***** Howard** 'The Buzzard' Moon used to be one of the finest gunslingers in The West.

He arrived in the town of Moonstone ten years ago and stayed mostly because he liked the name. He also stayed because he met Tommy the Cheese, a wonderful visionary dreamer who had big plans for Moonstone.

Together they sheriffed the town and helped businesses and establishments grow. Moonstone is famed for being the very first town to own both a llama and a stickleback, both because of Cheese and Moon.

They were happy with their lot, they made good money, the town attracted some good people and Howard Moon began to think that he'd never have to kill another living soul again...

...

***** Vince** 'The Electro-Kid' Noir is a dashing young cowboy with a big heart and an even bigger wardrobe.

Vince arrives in the town of Moonstone after a drunken night in the company of Cam and Den, the gender bending lead singers of the Wild West's first steam-punk band _Clockwork Guns. _After falling asleep in the back of a mail wagon Vince awakes to find himself alone and penniless in the town of Moonstone.

Wandering the street, looking for a friendly face, he suddenly spots Howard Moon and immediately recognises the infamous gunslinger. However as he walks closer he realises that this is no longer the man his father used to tell him stories about...

* * *

**And the rest:**

***** Dixon **'Total Eclipse' Bainbridge is mad, bad and dangerous to know.

Dixon Bainbridge traveled to Moonstone after hearing about its business opportunities. Initially he planned to open a bistro saloon offering cheap grog, cheap grub and cheap hourly accommodation (if you know what I mean). However he soon realised that the townsfolk relied too heavily on their lawmen, and that if said lawmen were to be 'dealt with' then the town was his for the taking.

He put the word out among the criminal underworld that he was hiring, and soon he had himself a band of social deviants and miscreants ready to do his bidding.

Bainbridge is an expert in exploitation and manipulation. He knows all men have their weaknesses, their fatal flaws, their breaking points, and he knew that Sheriff Tommy and his Deputy Moon were no different. However even he was surprised at how smoothly his plans played out.

Now he calls himself the Mayor of Moonstone, and his gang are 'The Bainbridge Boys'. There's not one storekeeper or family that doesn't pay him a tax or provide him free goods and services. Every so often the gang smash a few windows, beat up a couple of husbands, threaten a couple of wives, just to keep everyone meek and in line. Bainbridge controls the bank, he controls the mail, he controls provisions, he controls the telegrams, he controls the railroad. No-one ever leaves.

And for those who arrive? Well let's just say they don't stay unnoticed for long…

...

***** Chalky **McGrue is the longstanding saloon keeper of the town's only drinking establishment _The Salty Bullet._

Chalky built his saloon from scratch, with the help of Moonstone's former Sheriff, Deputy Sheriff and a few good residents. He always prided himself on running a clean establishment, but the arrival of Dixon Bainbridge put pay to all that. Letting the rooms above the saloon to Bainbridge and his boys is Chalky's biggest regret, and he feels somewhat responsible for the death of Tommy. He's excluded from the Mayor's unfair taxes and protection rackets, but he's permanently at their beck and call.

There are only two things that Chalky hates more than Bainbridge and that's cats and whites.

...

***** Montgomery **'Monty' Flange is an ex member of Moonstone's only ever theatre company _The Moonstone Players__._

Monty is a slightly embittered elderly actor with a kind soul. He feels that the world never got to appreciate his talent, but really it was his own lack of confidence for performing in front of large audiences that crippled his ambition. Whilst the rest of the company moved on to the bigger towns and cities Monty remained behind in Moonstone.

Monty spends most of his time at _The Salty Bullet. _He and Chalky are Howard's only real friends.

...

***** Bobby **'Hound Dog' Fossil is essentially Bainbridge's pet_._

Nobody quite understands why Dixon Bainbridge tolerates Bobby Fossil, as the man is, for want of a better word, a retard. There was a rumour at one point that Bainbridge is somehow in Fossil's debt, but no-one had ever dared ask Bainbridge to substantiate it.

What is true though is that Bainbridge and Fossil arrived into Moonstone together. Fossil certainly helped Bainbridge to establish himself, mostly by playing the role of messenger.

Following the 'sort of' bank robbery, and subsequent expulsion of Minnie Tinkler, Bobby Fossil became the town's new bank manager. Not that he does much by the way of managing. What he actually does whilst sitting behind that large wooden desk is anyone's guess. Aside from barking orders at the staff and trying to invent new ways of carrying whiskey about his person, Bobby Fossil is pretty much ineffectual.

As one of Bainbridge's most loyal and trusted cohorts however, he is privy to an awful lot of secrets…


	2. Day 1 Part 1

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 1 Part 1**

Vince cannot quite believe that the unkempt man sitting outside the saloon is his childhood idol Howard 'The Buzzard' Moon. Not only does he look badly in need of a brush and shave, Howard also seems to be fighting a few internal demons in his head. Vince watches for a while wondering if Howard will ever blink, but then his eyes are so small it's hard to tell if they're even properly open. Vince ponders for a moment how this tiny-eyed man can be such a dead-shot.

Eventually Vince decides he needs to introduce himself and so casually he makes his way over to the inn and coolly sidles onto the end of Howard's bench. He takes a quick sideways glance at his hero, but Howard seems not to have even noticed him. This momentarily confuses Vince as he's not used to going unnoticed anywhere.

He decides instead to strike up some conversation. After all maybe Howard is just in some sort of cowboy music boot scootin bluesy trance.

_…"Hey Mister… Mister Moon… Mister Moon… Moon… Mister Howard Moon… Howard Moon… Howard… Howard… Howdy Howard… Moon Howard… Mooney Face… Howard Moon Face… Moon Faced Howard… Oi - Buzzard!"_

Howard's head snaps around suddenly in response to his once beloved pseudonym, only to find himself staring into the largest blue eyes he's ever seen. He shakes his head trying to awake from his daze, to make sense of what's happening.

_"Who the hell are you?"_

_"I'm Vince. Vince Noir."_ Vince stands and facing Howard puts his hands loosely on his hips. _"They call me The Electro-Kid."_

A couple of seconds pass, Vince just standing there looking deep into Howard's eyes, resting on one hip, heeled white boots turned slightly inwards, the suggestion of a pout on his lips. Howard shakes his head again. This is a man? Howard's not sure he's ever seen a more beautiful cowboy.

A couple more seconds pass.

_"And your Howard Moon right?"_ Vince breaks the silence. _"Howard 'The Buzzard' Moon! I knew it as soon as I saw you. Man, you are one massive hero of mine. I know all your stories. How you foiled that bank robbery with a candlestick and some corn fritters. And how you stopped that runaway horse with a reworked verse of a lullaby. I know them all. You're amazing!"_

_"Whoa there! Look, I don't know who you are or what you want, but that's not who I am anymore."_

_"I said, I'm Vince Noir."_

_"Yes, you said that. But where did you come from?"_

_"I came from the back of that mail wagon."_

_"Mail wagon?"_

_"Look it doesn't matter who I am, you're Howard Moon. Blimey, I can't believe I'm talking to The Buzzard."_

_"Stop saying that!"_

_"What?"_

_"The B word. Stop saying that."_

_"What Buzzard?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"Why?"_

_"Because that's not me anymore. I'm just Howard now and I'll kindly ask you to leave me in peace. I've got to go. It's been nice and all, but I've places to be. I'll bid you good day Sir!"_

Howard stands and moves to pass, but Vince puts his hand out to stop him. As their fingers accidentally make contact a unexpected surge of sparkling, tingling, pulsating energy stops Howard in his tracks. He impulsively turns once more to reconnect with the brilliant blue gaze. It is clear that Vince is feeling something too as Howard notices the young man's pupils dilating and a playful smile spreading across his face.

_"I did tell you they call me The Electro-Kid."_

_"What was that?"_

_"I don't know Howard, but I think I'd better come with you, to wherever it is you are going."_

Howard takes a deep breath and nods slightly before turning away and descending the steps back to street level.

With an agile leap and bound Vince is there right beside him.

**. . . **

Howard doesn't really know what he is doing. He is heading home he supposes, but somehow along the way he seems to have picked up a stray. A very exuberant and very talkative stray who was starting to give him a bit of a headache. Yet still, there is something about this stray, something magical and…

_"So whatcha think Howard? Just for a bit like, until I get back on my feet. Well it's not that I'm off my feet, just that I fancy hangin' around a bit. It's not every day you meet a real life hero. And I'm pretty good too you know. I've got a lot to offer. I just need a starting point is all. I think it would be genius. What do you think?"_

Vince's 100 mile per hour patter breaks Howard's train of thought.

_"What?"_

_"Ergh you weren't listening were you? You drifted off. I can see you do that a lot. Maybe I'm good for you see. Maybe I could help you with that."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

Vince jumps in front of Howard putting a stop to his long-legged gait. Placing a hand on each of Howard's shoulders, and on tiptoes, Vince's face suddenly seems far too close to the bigger man's.

_"Ahh! Get off me. What you doing?"_

_"Howard, just listen a sec right. I'm trying to ask if I can stay with you for a bit. Me and you. Howard and Vince. What do you think?"_

_"I think you should get off me. People are staring."_

Vince looks around him. The street is deserted.

_"There's no-one staring Howard. And anyway I'm just asking you a question. My goodness you're a jumpy one aren't you."_

_"Just don't touch me OK Vince. Never touch me!"_

_"OK. Sorry."_

Vince takes a step backwards but remains in front of Howard. His head is down and suddenly he becomes, in Howard's mind, like a hurt, scolded child. It is making Howard's chest flutter. It is making him soften. It is making him feel protective and vulnerable all at the same time. Who the hell is this kid?

Vince risks looking up at Howard from beneath the brim of his hat. Huge, innocent pools of blue. Blue that's pulling at every heart string in Howard's body. Blue that's making him go slightly giddy. Blue that he could dive into, deeper, deeper, deeper…

SLAP!

_"What the…?"_

SLAP! SLAP!

_"Howard. Howard."_

SLAP!

_"Howard! Snap out of it you freak. What's the matter with you?"_

_"Vince, stop. Stop! I'm ok. I'm fine. It's just sometimes…"_

_"You were looking at me odd."_

_"Sorry."_

_"I felt like I was about to be eaten."_

Howard gives a wry smile.

_"It's not funny. I felt like a piece of meat Howard. You were staring at me all weird. I think you do need help. You're not right in the mind tank you. I reckon I might be that help Howard, but no funny business ok."_

_"It's just…"_

_"What Howard?"_

_"It's just, you're strange to me."_

_"Thanks Howard. That makes me feel so much better."_

_"No. I mean strange in a good way. I dunno Vince. You're hurting my brain, and yet, I can't…you know…it's so…"_

_"Please Howard. Try and string a sentence together."_

_"It's just that…you don't know me. I've got demons. I'm dark Vince. I'm not always a good person to be around."_

_"You're darkness, I get it. You've got a past, fine. We've all got a few skeletons in our trunks ain't we. If we're being honest here Howard I can't remember a bloody thing about last Tuesday. Neither can the girl. Or her friend. Or the blacksmith's son. And there was this goat…"_

_"I don't just mean regrettable one-night stands and liquor consumption Vince. I'm talking big, bad shit. Shit that rocks you to your very core, that wakes you screaming in the night. Shit that burns you up inside, makes you cry like a baby, makes you beg for mercy."_

_"Sounds like when I ate some 10 day old refried chilli beans. Woah momma. Had me in a tricky way for a week."_

_"I don't mean THE shits Vince. If you're just going to be flippant."_

_"I'm sorry Howard. It's just if you're darkness then think of me as a little bit of light, a little bit of sunshine here to brighten your day."_

Howard can't help smiling again, but this time it's less wry and more, well, happy. Maybe this kid is the answer he's looking for. Maybe he is just what he needs, a distraction from his past and a stepping stone into his future.

In the space of roughly 20 minutes Howard had somehow made a new friend. That hadn't happened this quickly since Tommy…NO! Don't think about Tommy. Not now. Think about Vince. Think about this beautiful childman with the dazzling smile and the forever eyes. Think of fixing him a bed for the night, getting some food into him, giving him a change of clothes. Think of Vince and think of nothing else.

_"So then little man, do you fancy kipping at mine tonight?"_

_"I thought you'd never ask Howard."_


	3. Day 1 Part 2

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 1 Part 2**

_"Here we are then."_

_"Where?"_

_"Here. My home."_

_"Howard, why does your home have jail written on it?"_

_"Well because it's the jail obviously."_

_"And the sheriff doesn't mind you living in the jail?"_

_"I am the sheriff Vince."_

_"What?"_

_"I am the sheriff, at least technically I'm the sheriff. I never officially retired."_

_"You're the sheriff?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, Vince. I'm the sheriff. The one and only sheriff of Moonstone."_

_"Well if you're the sheriff where's your badge?"_

_"I don't wear it anymore."_

_"What? You can't be a sheriff without wearing a badge. That's like saying you're an elephant without having a trunk."_

_"I don't deserve to wear it Vince. The town deserves better."_

_"What d'ya mean Howard?"_

_"It doesn't matter."_

_"Of course it matters. Why would you say something like that? You're a big time hero Howard. This town must be proud to have you as its sheriff."_

_"I was a hero Vince, but things change. People change. People forget."_

_"But growing up Howard all I wanted was to be you. All I ever wanted was to be a hero like you."_

_"We can all dream of being heroes Vince, but can we really be heroes?"_

_"What?"_

_"We can dream but what are dreams Vince when there's reality?"_

_"I don't really know what you're talking about Howard."_

_"I'm talking about reality Vince. Dirty stinking reality. Reality, where bad stuff happens and people get hurt. Where good stuff happens and people still get hurt. Reality sucks Vince."_

_"Howard, I don't really follow what you're trying to say, but I do know one thing. Reality has bought me here somehow. It's put me right slap bang in front of the one man I've always wanted to meet. It might get bad, who knows, but right now it's pretty good, and as far as I'm concerned you're the sheriff of this town."_

_"Vince you don't understand…"_

_"You keep saying that, so help me understand. Get your miserable reality-bitten arse inside, pour me a drink and tell me what's going on with you."_

_"Vince I…"_

_"Now Howard!"_

**. . .**

"_Wow Howard. I like what you've done with the place."_

There is more than a tone of sarcasm in Vince's voice.

The jailhouse is essentially exactly that, a jailhouse. There's a desk, a couple of chairs, a hatstand, a clock, a lamp or two, a mirror, a worn couch in the corner near a stove. And of course at the back of the room the standard two cell setup. One empty save for a cotbed and a bucket. The other crammed with stuff - clothes, bottles, chests, blankets, skins, barrels, a wheel, a saddle, rope, a battered old piano. Just stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. And practically buried in the stuff Vince can just about see another cotbed.

Vince points at this shambles of a cell.

_"Is that where you sleep Howard?"_

_"Yep."_

_"And what's all that in there with you?"_

_"Lost property. Contraband. Deceased estate. You know."_

_"Why don't you sleep in the other cell?"_

_"In case I need it for a prisoner."_

_"When was the last time you had a prisoner in here Howard?"_

_"About 8 months ago. Amos, the town drunk. I caught him pissing up against a horse."_

_"Howard…"_

_"Yeah I know. It's not exactly homely, but it is home. If you don't want to stay then…"_

_"Howard. I was gonna say thanks for letting me in. You've not much room here and I appreciate it. I can kip on the sofa over there. Keep that cell free yeah, just in case Amos turns up."_

_"Sure. That's fine. Great. I'll grab some blankets. Get some grub on the go. Brilliant."_

_"It's alright Howard. No need to fuss yeah. Now you got anything to drink in this place? I'm parched."_

Vince is already flopping onto the couch, strewing his arm lazily across the back, his expression relaxed and boyish. He looks totally comfortable in these surroundings. Vince Noir always looks comfortable in his surroundings. One could say he wears his surroundings.

Howard is watching as the younger man bows his head slightly and cocks it to the side. Vince closes his eyes and turns to meet a solitary ray of sunshine which is defusing into the room through the smudged glass of the window. As the light hits him his whole face glows and glitters, playful golden shards dancing across his dark hair and high cheekbones, and across the smile that's settling on his lips. Howard's breath catches in his throat as he steadies himself against the desk. 'Shit,' he thinks to himself, 'I need to get these weird feelings under control or this kid's gonna run a mile.' Still he can't help watching.

Vince, opening his eyes, notices Howard staring and meets his gaze. Before Howard has a chance to look away Vince spots it. In those dark, intelligent, lacquered brown eyes his spots it. A deep-set longing. A longing for things to be different. A longing for conversation and warmth. A longing for companionship.

A hunger.

Feeling suddenly a little disconcerted, and realising his face is starting to flush, Vince breaks the eye contact first and motions instead towards a bottle he spots on a shelf.

_"So",_ he says, swallowing dryly, _"How about that drink?"_

_"Drink. Yep. Absolutely. Good idea. Coming right up."_

Howard pivots on the spot. Deeply embarrassed and flustering he reaches across the desk. After much fumbling he manages to retrieve a glass and a mug from the top drawer. He goes to grab the bottle from the shelf then stops, looking awkward and too big for the small room.

_"You gonna bring it here then?"_

Howard takes down the bottle and turns to stand in front of Vince and the couch.

_"You can sit down you know. I won't bite."_

Howard lets out a nervous sounding 'Hah'.

_"I'll squidge up."_

Vince moves along and pats the empty spot to the right of him. Howard sits quickly and focuses his attention on opening the bottle. He's never felt so uneasy in his own house. He pours a good measure into the glass for Vince. He pours an even bigger measure for himself.

Vince turns and smiles at him.

_"You alright Howard?"_

_"Yeah. You?"_

_"Yeah, I'm peachy."_

Both men sit in silence for a bit, staring at the far wall. Vince tucks a stray strand of hair back up into his hat. Howard downs his drink.

Vince turns to look at him.

_"You're not alright really are you?"_

Howard pours himself another.

_"Howard. You can talk to me you know. I'm not much of an expert on stuff but I'm happy to listen."_

Howard downs his second.

_"You know sometimes a problem shared is a problem halved. You wanna tell me why you're not playing sheriff anymore?"_

Howard starts to pour himself a third, his hand shaking a little making the bottle clink against the rim of his mug. Vince reaches over and puts his hand across the top of the mug stopping the noise and halting Howard's progress.

_"Please Howard."_

Howard's looks at Vince's hand. He looks at the bottle.

**_. . ._**

_"I wasn't really the sheriff, I was the deputy. I became the sheriff by default when the first one died."_

Howard taps the bottle against Vince's hand encouraging him to move it out the way. Vince does and Howard pours himself the third.

_"Have you a best friend Vince?"_

_"I have mates yeah, of course."_

_"I don't mean just mates Vince, I mean a real friend. Someone you tell everything to. Someone who you look up to and admire, and who admires you in return. Someone who can finish your sentences, watch your back, who'd give you everything they own if you needed it?"_

Vince screws his face up in thought.

_"Nah. I don't really have someone like that. Maybe when I was younger there was this kid James. His Dad was a great carpenter and he used to make James these really cool toys. We didn't really have any money and I think James felt a bit sorry for me like, so one day he left one of his toys outside my house for me. Just outside of my window. It was a little wooden snake. His Dad had polished and smoothed it and painted it brown with yellow eyes. It had a little wooden tongue painted red. I accidentally snapped the tongue off one day and I was really upset. James just told me that it was ok, that it just meant the snake liked me and wasn't hissing at me anymore. James' family moved away in the end, but I've still got that snake. It's one of the best things I've ever owned."_

Vince drops his head as he finishes talking. His shoulders sag slightly. Howard reaches for Vince's empty glass and tops it back up. He pours himself a fourth.

_"I'm sorry Vince."_

Vince looks up at him.

"_Why?"_

_"For you having no toys. For your mate moving away."_

_"It's alright Howard. It was a long time ago. Anyway we're not talking about me are we. Who's this friend of yours then?"_

Howard takes a long sip.

_"Tommy the Cheese."_

_"Tommy the Cheese?"_

Vince can't help a smirk.

_"Yeah, I know, it's a stupid nickname."_

_"It's pretty stupid yeah. What, was he kinda yellow looking or something?"_

_"No. He just really liked cheese."_

_"Oh right."_

_"He was my best friend Vince. We did everything together. We practically made this town together. He the sheriff and I his deputy. We were the best Vince, the best!"_

Howard pauses to finish his drink. He considers pouring a fifth but his head is already feeling foggy. Instead he passes the bottle to Vince, successfully avoiding contact with the blue eyes he knows are boring into the side of his head.

_"I used to be a man of action Vince, an action man and a maverick. I used to swagger around this place with a gun on each hip and a contented grin on my face. I loved my job, I loved my Moonstone, I loved it's people, and most of all I loved Tommy."_

_"You were in love with him?"_

_"No, not in love with him. I loved him, like a brother, like a comrade."_

_"Like two soldiers missing their wives?"_

_"Yeah, if you want. Like two soldiers."_

_"What happened Howard?"_

_"What happened Vince is that Dixon Bainbridge came to town."_

_"Dixon Bainbridge? Never heard of him. Who's he?"_

_"He, Vince, is an evil bastard."_

Howard forcefully grabs the bottle back from Vince and takes a huge swig directly from it.

_"He's an evil, pig-stinking, tummy-churning, son-of-a-bitch bastard and if I ever…if I can ever…so help me god if I ever…"_

Howard slumps suddenly forward off the couch and onto his knees. Bottle still in his hand he looks at it momentarily before downing the last dregs and tossing it angrily across the floor. It scoots, it spins, it meets the wall, but it doesn't smash.

_"See what use am I? I can't even break a stupid bottle. How am I ever gonna break Bainbridge?"_

Howard shoves his face into his hands and goes still. Vince leans forward and gingerly puts a hand on Howard's shoulder. The big man flinches but lets it rest there.

_"Howard. C'mon. You've come this far. You're doing great. Please sit back up here and tell me what this Bainbridge did."_

Vince knew he was pushing Howard a bit, but he also knew that with this much whiskey inside the sheriff it was an opportunity to get him to open up. And boy did he need to open up.

Howard slowly reverses backward up onto the edge of the sofa. Keeping his head in his hands he starts to speak, quite flatly, quite matter-of-factually.

_"Bainbridge arrived in town and we knew he was trouble as soon as we saw him. There wasn't really anything we could do about him. It wasn't like he was an obvious criminal, it's just that he had this way about him. He set himself up in the rooms above the saloon, said he was in the prospecting business. Prospecting for what we didn't know. Anyway, about two months after he turned up various other bad blood started turning up too. Rough and tough sorts. They all seemed to be living at the saloon, or at least around there. A few things happened, some theft, some vandalism, some missing underwear. Then one day a couple of his thugs walked into the bank, nice as you like and robbed the place. Just went straight up to the counter and asked for the money. Poor Minnie Tinkler didn't know what to do so she just handed it over."_

_"What, they didn't even have guns out?"_

_"No Vince, they just strolled up and asked for it."_

_"Is that even robbery?"_

_"I'm not sure, but it can't be right can it? Anyway me and Tommy, well we were a bit out of practice like. It had been five years since we'd had to run anyone out of town, and I hadn't had to fire my gun even then. I knew these guys were going to be a big problem. I said to Tommy, I told him, we needed back-up and we needed a good plan. But Tommy was a proud man, a brave man. That night he just went and stood outside the saloon and shouted for Bainbridge to come out and meet with him. He said he wouldn't leave until Bainbridge came outside, alone, to talk. Bainbridge came to the upstairs window and said he'd come down, but not before Tommy came up."_

_"Did he go in?"_

_"Oh, he went in alright. I was yelling at him not to be so reckless, but he just winked at me and walked straight in."_

_"Did he come out again Howard?"_

_"He did Vince, but he came out a different man."_

_"Whatcha mean? Did he came out with a make-over? I've seen that before. There's this travelling stylist guy, he takes you behind a big screen and when you come back out he's completely remodelled you. New hair, new clothes, the works. He's a genius."_

_"No Vince I don't mean a new look. I mean he came back out a different personality. He was broken, quiet, suppressed. I kept asking him what had happened but he wouldn't tell me. He just kept saying that we were to leave Dixon Bainbridge alone, that he wasn't really hurting anyone, and that Minnie Tinkler was the real culprit."_

_"Did he arrest her?"_

_"No, but he sent her away and before I knew it one of Bainbridge's cohorts was running the bank. An absolute idiot of a man called Bobby Fossil."_

_"And Tommy never told you what happened in there?"_

_"No Vince, but Bainbridge must have blackmailed him or threatened him or something."_

_"So what did you do Howard?"_

_"Something stupid Vince. I did something really stupid."_

**. . .**

Vince is unsure whether to ask again, but his curiosity is peaked and Howard clearly needs to confide in somebody.

_"Howard. What did you do?"_

Howard moves back from the edge of the seat and turns to look at Vince. He looks directly into Vince's eyes, a solid look this time. A deep, penetrating look. He has to know if he can trust this kid.

Vince just meets his inquisition front and square. Those blue orbs stare right back at him. There's a slight frown of worry on his young forehead, a slight parting of the lips as if a word is ready to leap from them, but there's no judgement, no mocking, no pity. Just genuine concern. Howard feels a wonderful warmth move throughout his body. Of course it could just be the whiskey.

_"Tommy began drinking Vince. And I let him. I was so angry at the situation, at Bainbridge, at Tommy for not telling me what had happened. I didn't really care that he was getting sloshed every night. I was too caught up in my own frustrations. I moved into this place. I hardly slept, I hardly ate. Every moment I spent racking my brain trying to formulate a plan, trying to work out what must have happened, what Tommy must have agreed to. It was crazy Vince."_

_"Sounds like you only were acting same as any man would Howard."_

_"Yeah, maybe, but I didn't notice what was happening to my friend. As I say he started drinking morning, noon and night. At first he'd still come here, mooch about the place, try to be nice to me. But I was so angry with him Vince. I pushed him away. Said I couldn't stand it when he was drunk. Told him not to come in 'til he'd sobered up. Well he didn't sober up. He just drank more and more. In the end he spent all his days in the saloon. Within a month of that fateful night he'd become a joke. A drunkard dullard joke at the mercy of Bainbridge and his boys."_

_"Their mercy?"_

_"They were cruel to him. They pushed him around, teased him, shot at his feet to make him dance. You know, bully antics. They'd taken a great man Vince, a great hero of a man and reduced him to shit."_

_"Sounds awful Howard."_

_"It was. By the time I realised that I'd let my friend down it seemed such an impossible task to rescue him from their clutches. I couldn't find anything to pin on Bainbridge. I was at a loss Vince. I was completely out of ideas."_

Pausing Howard looks away. He needs a second or two. Vince gives it to him.

Howard reaches into the top pocket of his jacket and pulls something out carefully. He makes a fist around it and brings that fist up to his chin, closing his eyes as he does so.

Vince waits.

Howard takes a deep breathe inwards and exhales slowly, eyes still closed.

_"One night I couldn't take it anymore Vince. One night I was sat right here where I am now and decided I couldn't take it anymore. My beloved town was falling apart and my best friend was a shambles. Nothing made sense."_

_"Go on."_

_"I grabbed a gun. I felt justified Vince. What Bainbridge was doing to Tommy amounted to nothing more than a slow murder in my book. I was the Deputy. I could make a murder charge stick, I could make anything stick. People loved me. It would be my word against his. I didn't care Vince. I downed a couple of shots, grabbed my gun and charged up to that saloon full of violence and righteousness and self-vindication."_

_"Howard that's…"_

_"It's not Vince. It's not understandable. It's not excusable. It's not justifiable. And it was utterly stupid. I stormed into the saloon, gun in my hands, shouting for Bainbridge, demanding Bainbridge. Baying for his blood. He came of course. He came down the stairs, cool as ice, smooth as glass he came. "Deputy," he said, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"_

Howard's eyes open suddenly.

_"He walked across the floor. I had my gun trained on him the whole time, but he just walked across the floor like he owned the place. He asked if I wanted a drink. I didn't answer. He walked over next to Tommy who was half seated on a stool at the bar. Tommy had gone white as a sheet and was staring at me like I was a mad man. I was a mad man, but I was in control of my gun and I had it aimed right at Bainbridge's chest. The arse asked me again if I wanted a drink, said it was his round and that I was welcome to join him. I was so angry Vince. He was making me so angry, walking around, smooth talking like he was mister big shot. I could feel my finger tightening on the trigger. Could feel myself tensing ready to take the shot. He started pouring himself a drink, he poured one out for Tommy. Just so arrogant, so full of himself. My finger tightened some more. I was seeing red. Bainbridge walked right up to Tommy and you know what he did. Can you guess what he did Vince? He walked right up to Tommy and said "You'll join me won't you Sheriff" and he tipped the drink right over Tommy's head. Bainbridge's goons were all laughing. Bainbridge was laughing. Tommy just sat there with the liquid dripping off his hair and down his face. He didn't move, he didn't blink, he didn't say anything. He just sat there, my best friend humiliated and mocked like he was nothing. And I was livid. I took two steps towards Bainbridge, gun primed. To the right I saw his men go to their holsters but I didn't care. I only had eyes for Bainbridge. I squeezed the trigger Vince, still walking forward, I squeezed that trigger with utter conviction."_

Howard had brought his hands up and out in front of him, mimicking taking aim, his hand still balled around the item from his pocket.

_"I squeezed the trigger and in that same moment of the bullet leaving the barrel I suddenly met Tommy's eye. I met Tommy's eye because Tommy was no longer seated. He'd leapt up. He'd leapt from his stool to jump in front of Bainbridge the moment that I had taken those steps forward. He'd leapt up as I'd pulled the trigger. He'd leapt up Vince."_

Howard jerks his hands as if firing a pistol.

_"Bang!"_

Vince was holding his breathe, not daring to make a sound.

_"I was Howard 'The Buzzard' Moon, Vince. I never missed."_


	4. Day 1 Part 3

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 1 Part 3**

Vince looks at the back of Howard's head and takes a moment to absorb what he's just been told. The sheriff is still slumped forward on the edge of his seat, head in his hands and rocking every so gently. Self-comforting. Vince gets a sudden urge to give the big man a hug but thinks better of it. Probably not the right time.

If truth be told he could do with a hug himself. It had turned out a very peculiar day for him.

_"Howard."_

Vince speaks very gently.

_"If you need some space I don't mind going out for a bit."_

Howard remains quiet.

_"I don't want you thinking I'm bailing because I'm not. I promise I'm here for you now. We can work this out together. Just figured you might want to be on your own for a bit, you know."_

Still nothing.

Vince shuffles forward on his seat and makes to stand.

_"I might visit this saloon myself."_

Howard spins suddenly and grabs Vince's chin forcing him to meet his gaze. Vince's hat goes flying and Vince lets out an audible squeak, surprised as he is by the sheriff's sudden show of force. His blue eyes are huge and Howard sees a flash of fear race across them. He loosens his hold slightly, but keeps enough pressure to stop Vince from looking away.

_"I'm going to say this once Vince, and once only. You stay away from the saloon you hear? You stay right away from that place. If I so much as catch you as even looking at it then so help me I'll…_

Vince is still staring at him with the most ridiculously innocent and wide-eyed expression. Howard lets his hand drop.

_"I'm sorry Vince, but you've got to promise me you won't ever go near the place."_

_"But Howard I only…"_

_"Vince, goddammit I'm not kidding. You promise me here and now that you won't go near the saloon."_

The two men stare at each other. Howard's face is set in grim determination, his jaw locked in a sort of controlled anger. Vince still looks somewhat abashed.

_"Vince, I mean it. Promise me."_

_"OK Howard."_

_"Promise."_

_"OK, I promise. I won't go near the saloon."_

_"Seriously Vince. Dixon Bainbridge should not be messed with. If you go in there I've no idea what he might do to you."_

_"I can look after myself Howard. I'm not a child."_

_"Vince, they'd eat you alive."_

Both men finally look away from each other.

Vince, rubbing his chin, retrieves his hat from the floor.

Howard, feeling now altogether sober and somewhat stronger from both his confession and his outburst, lifts his still fisted hand up in front of him and turns back to Vince. He has the young man's attention.

_"After I fired and Tommy fell to the ground I froze Vince. Bainbridge and his men surrounded me within seconds. Truth was I probably could have taken them all out, but I was rooted to the spot. I choked. I couldn't take my eyes off my friend, couldn't speak, couldn't move. Bainbridge and the others disarmed me and manhandled me out of the saloon. Then they threw Tommy out after me. The street was crowded. Word had got around that I'd entered the saloon, and then people had heard the shot. But as we were turfed out not one person came to help us. They were all so scared. Dixon Bainbridge walked forward, he stood at the top of the steps, pointed directly at me and he said, in front of everybody, "You're my bitch now Deputy." Then he turned on his heel and went back inside."_

_"What a dick."_

_"Yeah Vince, he is. Anyway I was still pretty much in shock, you know, but I crawled over to Tommy. I grabbed his head and begged him not to die. His eyes were still open but the light was fading fast. I could see he was going, but he grabbed my hand and with his last ounce of strength he pulled me closer to him."_

Howard finally opens his fist and pulls from it a long thread of what looks like wire.

_"He pulled me towards him, pushed this into my hands, and with his dying breathe said just three words to me."_

Vince notices Howard's eyes welling up with the memory. He can't help welling up a little himself.

_"He said "I forgive you."_

Howard had given Vince chills.

_"Wow."_

_"He was an incredible man Vince."_

The sheriff wipes his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

_"And what is that Howard? It looks like a cheese-wire."_

Howard glares intently at the piece of wire, shakes it a little, and then balls it back up and returns it to his top pocket.

_"It is Vince. It was Tommy's favourite possession. He went everywhere with it. He always said he felt naked without it. That he never wanted to be ill-equipped in the face of a good Gouda or Quese del Tietar."_

_"And you carry it now for cheese too?"_

_"No Vince. I carry it now as a reminder."_

There is silence again following Howard's remark. Vince simply does not know what to say or how to make any of it better. He desperately wants to offer some words of comfort or advice, some extraordinary and groundbreaking words of wisdom. Unfortunately he just isn't that kind of guy. His words of wisdom don't reach much beyond what type of gun-belt to best match with a sombrero, or how to tackle a corset in the dark. He just hopes that being a good listener is enough.

It is Howard who breaks the silence first. Rising to his feet he turns sheepishly to Vince.

_"You hungry little man? Thought I might fix us up some food."_

Vince stands too and gives Howard his biggest, most reassuring smile.

_"Sure Howard. Want a hand? I can't really cook or nothing, but I can stir."_

_"No, I'm fine. I tell you what though, you're probably wanting a change of clothes aren't you? I haven't much to offer but you're welcome to go through those chests and that."_

Howard points to his bedroom cell.

_"There may be something in there that'll fit you."_

_"Brilliant. If you're sure then thanks. I do feel a little bit 'yesterday'."_

Vince makes his way to the cell. He's almost nervous to enter knowing it's Howard's bedroom. It feels a bit wrong. Still he really could do with a change of shirt.

He begins with the nearest trunk and reads the engraved plaque on the lid.

'PROPERTY OF MONTGOMERY FLANGE - MOONSTONE PLAYERS THEATRE COMPANY'.

_"Cool. An actor's chest."_

Vince opens the lid and starts rummaging through. He holds up a shirt, then a second, then a jacket.

_"Nice cut. Turned cuffs. Missing a button, but still wonderful sequinship."_

He holds up some trousers to his own waist and looks down at himself.

_"Sweet. My size. How lucky's that?"_

He pulls out a hat, a belt, some boots.

_"It's like everything was made for me. Wow. Thanks Montgomery."_

Vince tucks into a corner to change. He can hear Howard whistling some nondescript tune on the other side of the jailhouse. Vince can't help but smile to himself.

_"Maybe I did make a difference after all."_

Howard stops whistling.

_"What's that?"_

_"Nothing Howard. I was just saying these clothes aren't bad at all."_

_"You found something then?"_

_"Yeah, I think so."_

Vince notices a mirror buried under a stack of ponchos and pulls it out. "Holy smoke" he murmurs to himself, turning this way and that in front of his reflection, _"I totally rock this look."_

Vince spots another trunk covered in a large velvet drape.

_"Ooh, I wonder what's in this one."_

Unlike the first this trunk has no plaque. Vince opens it quickly hoping for another treasure find.

The trunk is full of clothes, but these are no actor's. Vince pulls out a long, black shawl-like cloak and matching felt hat. Interestingly there seems to be a couple of bullet holes in the cloak. He puts them aside and pulls out a tasselled suede jacket, some brown strides and matching brown hat, a pair of two-toned boots, and a beautifully embroidered crisp white shirt that's been lovingly pressed and folded. And finally, right at the bottom of the trunk, next to a worn leather gun holster, is a small wooden box. Vince opens it and inside are two rather dull-metallic star-shaped badges.

_"Shit, this is Howard's stuff."_

Vince hurriedly puts everything back as best he can remember finding it and closes the lid. He looks out through the bars to see if Howard has noticed, but Howard is busy taste-testing whatever's on the boil. Vince goes to move away from the trunk, but then he has a second thought. He delves back to the bottom and refinds the box. He opens it again and studies the contents a little closer. One badge is slightly bigger than the other, is of a golden hue and says Sheriff. The other is more silver in colour and says Deputy Sheriff. Vince lifts out the Sheriff's badge and closing the box pops it back into the trunk beneath the clothes. He holds the badge gently in the palm of his hand and affectionately runs his finger across the embossed wording. He takes the corner of the velvet drape and gives the badge a little polish before replacing the material across the trunk. He looks at Howard once more to make sure he's going unseen, and then secretly stows the badge into the inner pocket of his jacket.

_"So then Howard, what's cooking?"_

Vince makes he way across the room and leans up against a post.

_"It smells pretty good whatever it is."_

_"Just a little something my Mama taught me."_

Howard turns with a rather large pot in his hand, sees Vince, gapes, momentarily forgets how to stand, juggles the pot then slams it rather violently onto the table.

_"Sorry Howard, did I make you jump?"_

_"Yes, no, it's, you just…"_

There's a glint in Vince's eye. He knows he looks good, but he didn't quite expect this reaction. He feels slightly naughty teasing Howard this way, but he can't help himself. He just can't get enough of being admired. It's like a drug to him. Strange he's allowing it from an older man with no dress sense and some serious personal issues, but still. Ever since catching Howard's lustful eye earlier, and now that some of the serious doo-doo had been lifted from Howard's rather broad chest, Vince felt it was time to have a bit of fun. Not that he particularly wanted Howard. He liked him sure, and he wasn't adverse to sometimes messing around a bit with one of his mates, but Howard really wasn't his type. Still no harm in a little dose of flirting. It would probably do Howard some good anyway.

_"Where did you find those clothes?"_

Howard's voice comes out a little high and he quickly turns away to clear his throat. When he looks back he sees Vince is smiling at him.

_"What?"_

_"Nothing Howard, you just seem a little tense is all."_

_"Do I? Well I'm not. You just caught me off guard. I didn't know an outfit like that was back there."_

_"Do you like it?"_

Vince swings his hips a little, tongue poking out from between his lips.

_"Fits me pretty well doesn't it?"_

_"Yeah, sure, where was it from exactly?"_

_"An actor's chest. Said Montgomery Flange."_

_"Oh."_

_"Is that a problem Howard?"_

_"No, no, it's just…"_

Howard picks up a cloth and starts frantically wiping up some invisible spillages.

_"..hmm, it's just, well, he still lives here for one thing."_

_"Do you think he'd mind? I can go ask him if you reckon that's best. But then hang-on. If he's still here what are you doing with his clothes? Is he a criminal or something?"_

_"No nothing like that. Don't worry he'll, he'll be fine. It's fine. I'll sort it, he may not, might not…it'll be fine."_

_"Howard, you've gone a bit weird on me again. I can take the clothes off if you'd rather."_

_"No! It's ok, really it is. Like I say it was just a bit of a surprise seeing you spruced up like that. Monty won't mind, I don't mind. It's all cool."_

_"Shall we eat then?"_

_"Yeah. Sit yourself down."_

_"You got anything else to drink?"_

_"What, oh umm, no."_

_"That's ok, I'll just pop out and get some from somewhere."_

Vince starts towards the door.

_"No Vince, you can't go out there."_

_"What?"_

_"You can't go out, not tonight, not yet. Wait until tomorrow yeah."_

_"Howard first you tell me I can't go to the saloon, now you won't let me go out on my own. Is Moonstone really that scary a place?_

_"I just don't want you getting into any trouble is all."_

_"I'll keep my head down."_

_"Somehow I think you'll get noticed."_

Howard points to Vince's hat, to his body, to his legs.

_"I'll take the hat and coat off."_

_"Vince, that won't help. It won't help because you're…"_

Howard pauses. He looks down at his feet.

_"I'm what Howard?"_

Howard looks up again and for what feels like the hundredth time that day finds those breathtaking bright blue eyes. Howard finds himself smiling back at Vince.

_"Because you're new Vince. You're bright and beautiful and brand-spanking new, and I'm not sure if Moonstone's ready for you yet."_

_"You having me on Howard?"_

_"A touch yeah, but mostly no."_

_"You think I'm beautiful?"_

_"Others out there will."_

_"But do you Howard?"_

Howard's smile wains. In it's place a nervous twitch forms at the side of his mouth. Vince notices it and in response starts to bite gently on his own bottom lip. Howard unconsciously licks his. Neither man looks away from the other. Vince is thoroughly enjoying the obvious reactions he's causing in the sheriff.

Howard's palms are sweating and he goes to wipe them on his trousers, thinks better of it and balls them into fists instead. Vince runs a hand up the side of his own neck around to the nape. He sticks his chest out a little and gives his neck a little rub. Howard unfurls his right hand and runs the back of it across his forehead, then through his hair making it stick up slightly at the crown. Vince moves his hand back around his neck, across to his chin where he rests the side of his forefinger on his lips. He tilts his chin down towards his chest so he's looking at Howard from beneath his brows. He's still smiling playfully.

Howard crosses his arms and visibly clenches his entire body as if trying desperately to stop any involuntary body reflexes. He looks anything but comfortable, yet still he's meeting Vince's gaze. Vince decides to move this on one more notch and slowly turns his forefinger around until it's tip is just between his lips.

Howard's mouth opens as does Vince's as he slowly pushes his finger into his own mouth, just up to the first knuckle. A bead of sweat forms on Howard's temple and his neck is pinking. He uncrosses his arms, crosses them again, then crosses his feet. Vince pulls his finger back out of his mouth with a small 'pop'. Time to put Howard out of his misery.

_"So, what we gonna do about a drink then?"_

Howard isn't sure if he can move just yet.

_"Howard?"_

_"I'll go."_

_"You sure. I don't mind."_

Howard pivots on the spot untangling his legs as he does so, happy to be out from under Vince's gaze for the moment. He's all to aware of the bulge at his crotch and hopes to god Vince didn't notice.

_"No, I'll go. Besides I could do with some fresh air."_

In one sudden stumbling swoop Howard is out of the door.

_"Well that was interesting,"_ says Vince to himself as he replaces the pot onto the stove top, _"seems the Electro-kid hasn't lost his touch."_

Vince sits on one of the wooden stools and removes the sheriff's badge from his pocket. He holds it out in front of him and looks at it admiringly for a moment. He smiles again at the memory of what just happened between them, and flushes as he realises how aroused he is feeling because of it. He slips the badge back into his pocket and pats it fondly.

_"O Howard, Howard, Howard. What am I going to do with you?"_


	5. Day 1 Part 4

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 1 Part 4**

Howard wasn't breathing properly. He'd stumbled out of the jailhouse and, like some sort of beast, had half ran, half lumbered up the street. Now he's tucked away along the side of _John Claud & Jack T's Barber Shop_, both of his hands flat against the wall, his head lower than his shoulders, his body desperately trying to steady his breathing, to stop his heart from racing, to tame the quivering. His eyes are screwed shut like he's in pain. He is in pain.

_"What the hell was that?"_

He mutters through gritted teeth.

_"What the hell?"_

Howard opens his eyes, straightens and turns to put his back against the wall. The heaving in his chest slows. He takes a deep breath.

_"Could he have been…?"_

Howard shakes his head. He tips it back and looks up at the sky. His mouth falls open and his eyes are rolling back and forth as he replays what just occurred through his mind.

_"Did that just happen? I don't know. Maybe I'm reading into it. But he just stood there. He definitely did something with his mouth, with his finger. He did didn't he?"_

He palms his forehead with his right hand, gives his brow a rub.

_"I dunno, I dunno, I dunno. He's just a kid. Or is he? It's hard to tell. Maybe he's not as young as he looks. Fuck. I dunno."_

Howard pushes himself off of the wall. His legs still feel a bit wobbly, but he's mostly back to full composure. That is aside from the fairly indecent images running through his brain.

Howard knows he can't stay away all night, but he needs a nerve calmer. He looks across the street at _The Salty Bullet_, the warm glow at the windows beckoning to him. He pulls his shoulders back, takes one more deep breath and strides towards the saloon, up the steps and through the swinging doors. A quick scan tells him there's no sign of Bainbridge and for that he can at least be thankful. Not that Bainbridge tends to frequent the bar itself, preferring to have drinks delivered to his rooms. Howard does spot two of Bainbridge's heavies playing cards at a table though. They make eye contact but the men carry on with their game without interest. They're used to seeing the sheriff in here.

Howard approaches the bar and greets Chalky, the proprietor of _The Salty Bullet. _Also at the bar is Monty Flange, the ex-actor whose clothes Vince is now beautifully sporting back at the jailhouse. The image of Vince leaning up against the post in that outfit, lightly licking his lips and staring at him with those blue….Howard shakes his head again.

_"Are you OK my boy? You look like you've just seen a ghost?"_

_"Oh, I'm fine Monty."_

_"Really?"_

_"You do look rather pale Howard,"_ adds Chalky placing a glass in front of his friend, _"something happened?"_

_"Not happened as such. I'm fine Chalky really. Thanks."_

Chalky pours Howard a good measure, adds a tot to Monty's glass, and then moves away to serve another patron.

Monty puts a hand on Howard's shoulder.

_"Are you sure you're alright? You can tell me you know."_

_"I'm not really, no Monty. Let's move to a table yeah. Chalky's great but…"_

_"I know Howard. He's not like us."_

The men move to the far side of the saloon, as far away from any prying ears as possible. They lean in across the table.

_"I've kind of met someone."_

_"Met someone? In Moonstone? Howard who's there to meet here? You know everyone."_

_"Someone new Monty. I don't really understand how he arrived, something to do with the mail wagon, but he's here Monty, he's real and he's here and he's all kinds of perfect."_

_"You feeling the hots boy?"_

Howard smiles.

_"Yeah, I guess, but it's more than that Monty. I feel like I know him, like I've met him before or something. I dunno. We touched earlier by accident and it was like this electricity went through us. It was weird Monty, weird and wonderful and frightening as fuck."_

_"I'd like to meet him. He sounds delicious."_

_"He is. He's been in my life no more than a couple of hours and yet he suddenly feels like the most important person in it."_

_"Love at first sight?"_

_"Don't be stupid Monty."_

_"Why's that stupid?"_

_"Because I don't believe in that. Besides he's a man and I'm a man. It's not right."_

_"It's right if it feels right Howard."_

_"He probably doesn't think so."_

_"That shouldn't stop you being able to fantasize though should it."_

Monty gives his most devilish grin and wiggles his eyebrows.

_"He doesn't need to know what's going on inside that filthy mind of yours."_

Howard blushes.

_"See, you have been having naughty thoughts. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Not for now. Just wait and see. Like you say you've only just met him."_

_"That's the trouble Monty, I think he already knows."_

_"You never were a good liar Howard."_

_"Nope. And now I've probably scared the kid half way across the plains."_

_"You gonna tell me his name then?"_

_"Vince. Vince Noir."_

_"Noir? No, can't say as I've met any Noirs. Did you say he was a kid?"_

_"No. Yes. Well not really. He's just kind of…innocent. Actually I've a favour to ask. Vince hasn't got any clothes with him. He found your chest and got himself dressed up in one of your old stage costumes. Is that ok?"_

_"Of course it is, as long as he doesn't look better than I do in it."_

_"I can't promise that's the case Monty."_

_"Really? Oh well. I will get to meet him though won't I? You're not going to keep him all to yourself?"_

_"If I haven't scared him off then of course."_

_"What you gonna do about Bainbridge though Howard?"_

At the mention of his adversary's name Howard stiffens. He downs his drink and stares into the empty glass for a moment.

_"Bainbridge is going to find out Howard. He'll find out and he won't like it. You realise no-one ever comes to town without Bainbridge's permission."_

_"I know Monty, I know. For the moment I've got Vince holed up at the jailhouse. I've told him never to set foot in here. Asked him not to leave the house tonight. I can't keep him locked away indefinitely though can I?"_

_"As much as you'd like to."_

Howard blushes again.

_"Monty, that's not helping."_

_"I'm sorry my boy."_

_"How should I deal with Bainbridge though Monty? What if they want to try and hurt him or kick him out of town? What then?"_

_"I think you should deal with that particular bridge when it pops up Howard. No doubt something will happen, but tonight at least go back to that jailhouse of yours and try to relax. Deal with Dixon Bainbridge tomorrow. And if there's anything I can do…"_

_"Thanks Monty. I appreciate it."_

_"Well you can show me some of that appreciation by introducing me to this Vince Noir in the morning can't you. I'll be at the barbers around ten. You bring him along."_

_"Monty, I don't know if that's a good idea."_

_"Bainbridge will happen sooner or later so it might as well be sooner. Get it out the way. Plus you're still the sheriff Howard. Maybe it's time you reclaimed that title."_

_"Funny, Vince was saying something similar."_

_"There you go then. It's one way for you to impress this kid."_

_"I'm not looking to impress him Monty. Right now I'm just happy for the company. Plus I want to keep him safe."_

_"Keeping him safe is cute, but of course you want to impress him. Now get your butt back there and start doing so."_

Howard blushes for a third time.

_"OK, cheers Monty."_

The sheriff rises from the table and returns to the bar.

_"Can I get a bottle to take-out please Chalky."_

_"Sure."_

The barman hands one over and they share a goodbye.

Howard walks out the door with a 'so long' to Monty. He's back down the steps and heading towards the jailhouse before he knows it. His heart-rate has increased again, a heady mix of nerves and excitement and trepidation. Trepidation of all that's been said, of whether Vince will still be there, of how he's going to deal with Bainbridge in the morning, but mostly the trepidation of seeing Vince in that outfit again and being back in the presence of his glow.

. . .

Howard falters as he reaches the jailhouse. He looks towards the window but apart from the glimmer of the interior lights there's nothing to suggest anyone's inside. He reaches for the door knob and murmurs to himself 'please, please' before holding his breath and slowly pushing it open.

He lets out his breath and grins. There he is, Vince Noir; laid back in a chair, feet up on the table, arms crossed, hat pulled down over his face. Howard notices the steady rhythm of Vince's chest rising and falling, and can make out the gentle sounds of his slumber.

Howard also notices the bubbling pot and crosses to the stove to remove it. He touches the handle.

_"Ouch!"_

Vince jolts awake, leaps up and starts straightening his clothes.

_"Shit Howard you made me jump."_

_"Sorry, I burnt myself. Bugger that hurts."_

_"Where? Let me see."_

Vince crosses to the stove and reaches for Howard's hand. Howard flinches away.

_"No, it's fine."_

_"Don't be a dumbass Howard. Here let me take a look."_

_"It's fine, honestly."_

_"Howard, for goodness sake."_

Vince reaches again, this time successfully grabbing Howard's sleeve. He turns the hand over and spots an angry red welt at the base of Howard's thumb.

_"Ooh. That looks painful. No skin off though."_

Vince grabs a clean cloth from the sideboard and rinses it in the water jug. He moves back to Howard and gently wraps the cloth around the sheriff's hand. Howard winces.

_"C'mon you big lummux. It's not that bad."_

They stand there for a second or two, Howard's hand still resting in Vince's smaller one. Vince doesn't look up. He can feel Howard staring at the top of his head. Somehow too he can sense Howard's quickening pulse and he imagines the blood running through the sheriff's wrist and out to those fingers, those fast-as-lightening fingers. With the lightest of touches he sweeps his own thumb across Howard's bandaged palm. He hears Howard let out a near silent sigh. He lets go of the hand and moves back to the table.

_"So, you got that drink then?"_

Howard's staring at his own hand.

_"Howard? The drink."_

_"Oh, yeah, yeah. Here."_

Howard passes Vince the bottle and turns back to the stove.

_"Careful Sheriff, don't damage the other one."_

Howard smirks and serves two portions into bowls. Vince pours a couple of measures and both men sit opposite each other at the table.

_"This is good Howard, real good."_

Vince is hungrily gulping down the meal.

_"I haven't eaten since yesterday I just realised. Can I grab some more?"_

_"Yeah, course."_

Vince moves to the stove. With his back to Howard he serves up a second helping.

_"Howard?"_

_"Mmmm?"_

Howard's mouth is too full to reply properly.

_"I was wondering Howard. How do you feel about wearing your sheriff's badge again?"_

Howard stops chewing. He looks up but Vince hasn't dared turn around yet.

_"I just thought, that with me here to help, you might want to retake up the mantle, so to speak."_

Howard doesn't answer so Vince turns to look at him. The big man is frowning, but not at him, more at the idea. Vince decides to keep going. He walks back to the table with his bowl, his free hand reaching into his inner pocket.

_"I didn't mean to at first Howard, but when I was looking through the clothes back there I came across this."_

Vince pushes the freshly polished sheriff's badge across the table. He keeps his fingers on top of it as if ready to whip it back away from Howard if need be.

Howard frowns at it, looks up, frowns at Vince, then looks back at the badge.

_"I did take it from the box Howard. I'm sorry if that was wrong. It's just I really wanted to clean it up for you, and in all honesty I'd really like to see you wear it again."_

Vince still has his fingers on top of the badge. In one sudden quick move Howard grasps Vince's hand, and consequently the badge too, and he drags it closer to his side of the table. Vince is at full stretch but he doesn't pull back or squirm. He doesn't quite find any words either.

Howard tucks his own fingers under the cuff of Vince's jacket and then pulls back, delicately running his finger-tips down Vince's lower forearm, wrist and hand causing Vince's arm hair to partially stand on end. He continues the trail across Vince's knuckles and then slides down each of Vince's fingers to the tips of his nails. He makes a series of small circles across the nail of Vince's middle finger making the smaller man give a tiny shudder. Then impulsively Howard reaches across the table and puts his hand softly against Vince's cheek. He looks the young man directly in the eyes and says simply,

_"Thank you Vince."_

Howard retrieves the badge from under Vince's grip and stands.

_"If you don't mind I could do with a little time alone, just to have a bit of a think. Is that ok?"_

Vince can only manage a whisper in reply,

_"Of course it is Howard."_

Howard moves to his cell and pulls across a makeshift curtain that Vince hasn't noticed before. The noise of springs give away Howard's laying down upon his cot bed.

Vince remains seated for a couple of minutes, eyes closed, rubbing the spot on his cheek where Howard just touched him. Eventually he too stands, puts the bowls to the side and gathers up the bottle. He moves to the couch, reclines with a full glass and says to himself with a bemused smile,

_"I think I'm going to have to drink a few of these to get any sleep tonight."_


	6. Day 2 Part 1

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 2 Part 1**

Howard is standing at the foot of the couch. He'd gotten up early and had planned to go out and get some food for them both before Vince woke, but his journey to the front door had been impeded by the sight that lies before him now.

Vince is deep in slumber, his head propped up slightly on an array of cushions. His feet are bootless, and crossed at the ankles. His arms are at his side, shirt sleeves rolled up, hands lightly resting on his hipbones.

The flashy white jacket Vince was adorning yesterday has been discarded onto the floor, along with the now empty bottle of whiskey. The black bejeweled shirt he is wearing contrasts with the beautiful pallor of his skin. Howard can't help but run his eyes across Vince's exposed chest and semi-exposed stomach where buttons have been left undone. There is a soft patch of chest hair nestled into the dip of Vince's sternum, and an even more enticing trail of hair running from his belly-button down to the waistband of his trousers. Howard involuntary licks his lips. He puts his hand out before him and with his fingers strokes the air as he visualises touching this trail. He imagines placing the lightest of kisses along it.

Vince's hat is hanging off one of the cushions to his right. His head is also inclining to the right, his brow smooth as he lies in a state of absolute peace. His mouth has fallen open ever so slightly, revealing a fullness to his lips that Howard's not noticed previously, and his subtle cupid's bow is highlighted by a shadow of facial hair across his philtrum and upper lip. The strangely angular nose and high cheekbones are softened in the morning light. It gives Vince an ethereal quality which makes something in Howard's stomach quiver.

Vince's hair has fallen away from the side of his face exposing to Howard strong, dark sideburns, quite a masculine frame to the angelic pale-skinned features. The hair has also dropped away from Vince's long, slender neck. It takes all of Howard's strength to fight the urge to rush over and suck at the delicate spot beneath his ear, to nuzzle at the downy hairline of his nape.

Howard can hear Vince's light breaths, the only thing audible in the silence of the room save for the sound of his own quickened pulse vibrating in his ear. Vince's breaths are easy and steady and uncompromised, his chest rising and falling gently in unison. Every so often Vince's long, dark eyelashes flutter and Howard wonders what dreams fill this handsome head.

Howard stands there feeling a little guilty for this invasion of Vince's privacy, but he can't seem to tear himself away. He wonders if there's a name for people who get aroused by seeing others sleep. He remembers the story of _Little Briar Rose_ and the sleeping princess, and he thinks that the Brothers Grimm may once have found themselves in a similar real-life situation before they penned their version of it. Howard can see why such experiences lead to the creation of the most valuable pieces of art and literature. To successfully capture the essence and innocence and beauty of someone like Vince Noir in repose could only end in a masterpiece.

As Howard's mind plays and swirls around these ideas of expression and aesthetics a gentle moan leaves Vince's lips. Howard is lifted out of his musings and he holds his breath, scared that he might be caught in his near illicit spying, but immobilised none-the-less.

But Vince doesn't waken. Instead he softly sighs and the edges of his mouth lift into a dreamy half-smile. His eyelashes flutter again, the smile widens and a chuckle escapes his throat.

The Sheriff makes out one word through Vince's sleepy husky laugh and has to mentally pinch himself.

_"Howard."_

_. . ._

Vince wakes to the sound of humming. He rolls onto his side and opens his eyes just a crack. It takes his mind a moment to remember where he is, and then a moment longer to remember the nearly full bottle of liquor he consumed the night before. He winces allowed.

_"Ah you're awake. Good. Here."_

Howard is suddenly at his side with a mug in his hand. Vince sits up carefully and takes the mug from Howard's grasp.

_"Thanks."_

Vince blinks and squints several times to get his eyes to focus, then yawns and then takes a sip of his coffee. Howard sees him and chuckles.

_"You kept going I see."_

Howard nods towards the bottle that is now sitting empty on the table.

_"Yeah, I guess. I needed a little help getting to sleep is all."_

_"Well get that coffee down you and come and have a bite to eat. I'll soon have you back up and running."_

It's only now that Vince realises he can smell warm bread. It gives the jailhouse an almost homely ambience. He stands gingerly and makes his way to the table.

_"Thanks for looking after me Howard. You're quite the cook aren't you?"_

_"I've had to look after myself for many years Vince. It's nice to have someone else to do it for though."_

Howard puts a plate in front of Vince and tops up the younger man's coffee mug.

_"You'd make a great dad Howard."_

Howard stops what he's doing and frowns to himself. He turns to reply but luckily Vince is already tucking into his meal. Howard doesn't really want Vince seeing him as a father figure. That would make it less likely he'd ever see him as a…

_"You're wearing your badge!"_

Vince breaks Howard's train of thought. He's looking at the sheriff with the biggest grin Howard has ever seen, and those amazing blue eyes are sparkling with what can only be perceived as genuine happiness. Howard can't help but grin back.

_"Yeah. You kinda got me thinking last night. Well you and Monty."_

_"Monty?"_

_"Montgomery Flange, the one who's clothes you are wearing."_

_"Oh yeah. When did you see him?"_

_"Last night when I went out. I bumped into him in The Salty Bullet. We had a bit of a chat about you actually. I said I'd introduce you to him this morning."_

_"Yeah cool, if you're sure he doesn't mind about the clothes. What were you doing in the saloon though, I thought you said we shouldn't go in there?"_

_"No, I said you shouldn't go in there."_

_"Hang on a minute…"_

_"Look Vince, there's something I need to tell you."_

All of a sudden Howard's voice has taken on a very serious tone. Vince's eyes widen making him look even more innocent. Howard shakes his head and wonders how he's going to keep this man out of trouble.

_"Vince, I told you about Bainbridge, but I don't think I made it fully clear how much power he wields in this town. A little time after Tommy died Bainbridge got himself elected mayor of Moonstone. Not that it was a proper election of course. There wasn't even a position of mayor going, he just made it up. It means he pretty much controls everything though Vince, and that includes who comes to and who leaves this town. If you want to move here you have to have a meeting with Bainbridge first and agree to his terms and his taxes. If you want to leave you have to 'pay out.' You Vince are not authorised to be here."_

_"Oh."_

_"Yes, oh indeed."_

The two men sit in silence. Howard has his hands around his mug, watching Vince push food around his plate. The young man looks up at Howard after a minute, his eyes still wide.

_"Is that why you've never left Howard?"_

Howard sighs.

_"Sort of yeah, but it's more than that. If I leave then I can never avenge Tommy. Plus I do what I can to help protect the citizens of Moonstone. There's still some good people here Vince."_

_"What do you think he'll do when he finds me here Howard? Will he boot me out?"_

_"Honestly Vince I don't know. I think maybe we need a cover story for you. That's the reason I'm taking you to see Monty this morning. He's an actor, he might be able to help create something for you. Make up a back story, you know. That's if you do definitely want to stay."_

Howard looks away after this last line, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed.

_"Of course I want to stay Howard. I've only just got here. Besides me and you've got a whole lot of things to do."_

_"Things to do?"_

_"Yeah, we've got a mayor to bring to justice."_


	7. Day 2 Part 2

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 2 Part 2**

_"OK Vince. The coast looks fairly clear."_

Howard is peeking out of the door of the jailhouse. Vince is standing ready behind him. Howard had tried to insist he wear something less conspicuous and had produced a pair of woolen trousers and shabby old duster coat from somewhere. Vince had flatly refused saying that he'd rather be dead than be spotted wearing them. Consequently he is still dressed in most of Montgomery Flange's costume.

_"So stick close to the buildings and stay behind me alright. If I stop you stop. Don't talk to anyone, don't make eye contact with anyone, don't touch anything. You ready?"_

_"Howard I've been ready for ten minutes. Can we just go?"_

_"I'm just trying…"_

_"…to protect me. Yes I know Howard, you've told me that twenty times already. Now can we go please."_

With one last look in all directions Howard is out the door gesticulating to Vince to follow suit. Vince calmly strolls out the door shutting it behind him. It would be incorrect to assume Vince isn't nervous because he is. He is determined not to let Howard see those nerves though. The sheriff is tautly strung enough.

_"OK then, the barbers is at the other end of the street across from the saloon. Let's move."_

Howard and Vince stride quickly and purposefully along to the barber's, keeping tucked in to the shadows as much as possible. They arrive quickly and without incident. In fact the whole street is pretty quiet and seemingly devoid of any of Bainbridge's gang. Howard takes a peep through the barber's window and spots Monty seated in an overstuffed leather armchair at the rear of the shop. One of the barbers, John, is also inside, busy sharpening his razor. As Howard enters John nods a hello and departs the room.

_"Where's he going?"_ asks Howard of Monty.

_"I told him we needed to speak in private. John understands."_

That is true. As two of Moonstone's original residents John and his brother Jack were no more in support of Bainbridge than Howard, it's just they'd rather not get involved.

Howard cautiously moves further into the room. As he does so Vince steps out from behind him. He moves towards Monty, his trademark grin on his face and hand out in greeting. Monty's jaw drops, but Vince doesn't seem to notice. Howard does though and smiles to himself. He'd clearly not been exaggerating the force of Vince's 'impact'.

_"Alright. You must be Mr Flange. Nice to meet you. I'm Vince, Vince Noir. Thanks for letting me borrow your threads."_

_"That's absolutely fine my boy. And my goodness how well you wear them. Now do me a favour would you lad and just go lock the door there. Pull that shutter across a little too."_

As Vince turns towards the door Monty makes eye contact with Howard and mouths a "wow" at the sheriff. Howard replies with an "I know" and the two men wink at each other.

Howard pulls up a couple of chairs and he and Vince join Monty. Howard perches apprehensively on the edge of his, Vince drops into his and immediately curls his legs up under him.

Howard starts,

_"Monty. I've told Vince about Bainbridge, about his rules on visitors. He's said he wants to stay and I'd like to help him out with that. What we need therefore is a back story, and I thought with your knowledge of books and plays you might be able to concoct one."_

Monty looks at Vince and finds himself drawn into the lads eyes. He can definitely see how Howard's been so easily hooked.

_"You really want to stick around boy?"_

Vince nods eagerly.

_"Yeah, for a bit at least."_

_"You not got a home to be getting back to?"_

_"Not exactly no. I tend to wander, picking up work where I can. I've friends that'll be looking after my stuff."_

_"No wife then?"_

Vince grins sheepishly.

_"I don't think I'm really the marrying type Sir. I don't really know what husbands are supposed to do."_

Monty looks at Howard.

_"You're wearing your sheriff's badge I see. Better late than never Howard."_

_"For much good it will do me."_

_"Well Howard, it's given me a thought."_

_"What?"_

_"It needs fleshing out a bit, but what if you make Vince here your deputy?"_

Silence.

Vince looks at Howard. He raises his eyebrows in question.

_"Howard?"_

_"Wouldn't that just be putting Vince further into the line of fire Monty."_

_"You think that Bainbridge wants the death of another lawman on his conscience Howard? He might be a twisted bastard but he's not stupid."_

_"I dunno, it still doesn't explain how he got here though does it? How did I find him?"_

Howard and Monty both look at he floor in thought, the former rubbing his chin, the latter rotating his cane by it's silver tipped handle.

_"Can I say something?"_

Vince uncrosses his legs and stands. He moves to a mirror, removes his hat and tousles his hair before replacing the hat and coming back to lean over the top of the chair.

_"I reckon I should still say I came on the mail wagon 'cause that's what I did. I didn't know there was rules to follow. I just bummed a ride. A wannabe deputy sheriff looking for a job."_

Monty responds.

_"Why Moonstone?"_

_"Because Howard Moon lives here. Everybody's heard of Howard Moon. He's a hero."_

Monty looks at Howard.

_"Kid's got something there Howard. You do have quite a reputation. It isn't an unlikely story that someone like Vince could grow up wanting to be like you and finally meet you."_

Vince nods in agreement.

_"That's right Howard. In fact it's all absolutely true, besides me ending up here by accident of course. That was just pure luck. If I'd have known that wagon was destined for Moonstone though I'd have jumped on it anyway. I have always wanted to meet you."_

_"Well not lying at all would be the easiest thing I suppose."_

Howard scratches at his stubbled cheek. He's not yet convinced.

_"How do I explain to Bainbridge that I need a deputy?"_

_"You say this kid came knocking at your door asking for a job and you're giving him a trial because you feel a bit sorry for him."_

_"Yeah Howard. We can say I turned up here with no clothes, no money, no food, just like I did. Say you took pity on me just like you did."_

_"Tell him Howard that this kid isn't very bright really. Play down Vince's intelligence. Tell him he's a harmless innocent soul and that he'll be no bother to anyone. That you'll get him doing some of the shit jobs like repainting signs and chopping firewood."_

_"I can do that for you anyway Howard. I'm pretty handy with a paintbrush."_

Howard turns to Vince who's still leaning over the back of the chair.

_"Come and sit down again Vince."_

Vince does. He can see Howard has something serious to add. Howard looks at Monty and then directly at the young cowboy.

_"If we do this Vince I want you to promise me one thing."_

_"I'll try Howard."_

_"Vince if anything starts to go wrong, if you feel you're in danger of any sort, you take my horse and you get the hell out of here."_

_"OK Howard."_

_"Promise?"_

_"Promise."_

_"And you still stay away from The Salty Bullet as much as possible. If we go in we go in together."_

_"Sure. We go in together Howard."_

_"Monty."_

_"Yes Howard."_

_"We never had this chat. I've only introduced you today because I'm asking if Vince can borrow some of your clothes. This makes sense as Bainbridge knows we are mates, and clearly you're more Vince's size than I am."_

_"Sure Howard. It's hardly a lie at all. I'll be acting out fact not fiction. Easy."_

_"Well then I reckon we need to get this show on the road. You ready to go meet Bainbridge Vince?"_

_"As ready as I'll ever be I guess Howard."_

_"OK then. Next stop the saloon."_

Howard and Vince stand. They each shake Monty's hand and turn to the door.

Howard looks at Vince, trying to read the younger man's thoughts.

_"You alright little man?"_

_"Yeah Howard, I'm OK. Just steeling myself a bit is all."_

_"Same here Vince. C'mon, let's get this over with."_

The two men exit the barber's and with noticeable purpose in their strides start to make their way across the street.

_"Oi Moon!"_

The booming voice comes from behind them.

_"Shit!"_

_"Howard?"_

_"Shit, shit, shit!"_

_"Howard, is that him?"_

_"Moon!"_ the voice booms again, _"Where ya going Moon?"_

Howard and Vince have already stopped in their tracks.

_"Just turn around slowly Vince, follow my lead and stay behind me."_

They turn back to face where they had just come from, and immediately spot Bainbridge standing on the veranda of the grain store located next to the barbers. Vince tucks himself in behind Howard's shoulder as Bainbridge descends the few steps to street level. He walks aggressively towards them, finger pointing directly at the sheriff.

_"I asked you a question Moon."_

_"I was just on my way to see you Bainbridge. How the devil are you?"_

If Howard was nervous then there was not a hint of it in his voice. Vince was impressed that he couldn't pick up even the slightest waver in Howard's tone. He himself was feeling a little queasy. However he couldn't stay hidden behind Howard the whole time, that would be ridiculous. And anyway surely Bainbridge had already seen there were two of them. Vince takes a deep breathe and steps from out behind Howard's tall frame.

_"What the..?"_

Bainbridge takes a step backwards in surprise.

_"Who the hell are you?"_

Vince swallows.

_"I'm Vince Sir, Vince Noir. Some call me the Elec…"_

_"I don't give a toss what some call you. What the hell are you doing in my town?"_

Howard puts his arm protectively in front of Vince, keeping him back.

_"Bainbridge, that's what I, well we, were coming to see you about. Vince here arrived on the mail wagon late yesterday evening. Came looking for me as it turns out. Seems I have a fan. I thought I'd give the lad a job Bainbridge. This kid's looking to learn the ropes as a deputy sheriff. I was just coming to clear it with you. I'm not trying anything underhand here."_

_"What the hell is he wearing? I thought it was that flouncing actor friend of yours."_

_"They are Monty's clothes Bainbridge. It seems Vince here arrived on a bit of a whim and forgot to pack a case."_

Vince pushes Howard's arm away and steps forward again. He puts on a wide-eyed look and goes for the most slow-witted sounding voice he can think to muster up.

_"Mr Bainbridge Sir. I've always wanted to be a deputy Sir, and when I realised there was a wagon coming to Moonstone I just had to come and meet Mr Moon here. My daddy used to tell me stories about him and I just wanted to meet him so bad. I didn't even think about clothes sir, I just jumped straight onto that wagon without a care."_

Bainbridge looks back at Howard.

_"Is this kid soft in the head Moon?"_

Howard takes a step or two towards the mayor.

_"Can I have a quick word in your ear Bainbridge?"_

The two men walk slightly away from Vince.

_"Look Bainbridge, this kid just turned up at my door. I didn't plan it. Neither did he by the sound of it. I don't think he's got any family, and he's harmless enough. I don't want any trouble with you ok. I'm going to make him my deputy, just as an honorary thing like, to make the kid feel good about himself. Then I'll get him doing some manual labour, take care of my horse, keep house, that kind of stuff."_

_"You know what Moon, it's about time you found yourself a wife."_

_"That's not it at all Bainbridge, how dare you."_

_"Oh get over yourself Moon. Remember I know your dirty little secrets. You trying to tell me you've just taken pity on this kid. Bullshit. And look at you in your badge. How long's it been since you last wore that? Trying to impress him are you Sheriff? Bet you got him to polish it for you too."_

Howard flushes slightly at the near accuracy of Bainbridge's reproach.

_"You know what Moon, you are pathetic. You make me sick. Go ahead, have your little stable boy fun. What do I care? If it keeps you out of my way then all the better."_

With that Bainbridge brushes past Howard and walks directly over to Vince. He stands right in front of him and stares directly into his eyes. Vince tries to makes his expression as innocent and gormless as possible.

_"I'm watching you lad, you understand? You put so much as hair out of line.."_

They stare at each other for a few seconds more before Vince finally drops his gaze. With that Bainbridge pushes him to the side and strides into the saloon, the swing doors nearly jumping off their struts as he forcefully pushes them open. Howard walks back over to Vince.

_"Come on little man. Let's just go."_

_"So did that work Howard?"_

_"For now Vince yeah, I think so."_

The two men start back towards the jailhouse.

_"What did he say to you Howard?"_

_"Nothing really Vince. He just seemed to buy it that you're a bit, sort of, unthreatening."_

_"I thought I acted that quite well actually Howard."_

_"Yeah, well if you will go around wearing sequined shirts and a silly grin I guess you're going to fool a lot of people."_

_"Never judge a book Howard."_

_"I try not to Vince."_

The men walk silently for a bit, both pondering the morning's events. As they reach the door of the jailhouse Howard turns to Vince,

_"So I guess I should say welcome to Moonstone then."_

_"Thanks Howard."_

_"And I also guess we need to be thinking about living arrangements, seeing as you're going to be around a while longer."_

_"Are you suggesting we rearrange and redecorate the jailhouse Howard because if you are I am well and truly your man?"_

_"Well, no, I didn't quite mean…."_

But it was too late. Vince was already through the door and babbling loudly about throws and rugs and splashes of yellow.

Howard follows him in shaking his head but with a soft smile on his face.

_"OK Vince. Tell me what I can do."_


	8. Day 2 Part 3

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: M+** - this one's a little naughtier than the rest. There are scenes of a sexual nature so if you're not into that please don't read. Thank you. x

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 2 Part 3**

Howard stands in the middle of his beloved jailhouse not quite believing what he is seeing. The room looks entirely different. Nothing is where it was. Everything familiar has been primped or fluffed or reutilised as something else. Most of the contents of his cell have been pulled out and distributed around the walls, over the furniture, across the ceiling. And once he'd let on to Vince that he played piano then the battered old one he'd been holding on to was dragged out and given pride of place next to the fire.

The room looked amazing. Full of life, full of colour and full of warmth.

_"Ouch!"_

_"Vince, you alright?"_

Howard's attention is pulled back to the cell where he'd left Vince hanging a variety of throws from the overhead beams.

_"Yeah, just stabbed myself with something."_

Howard enters the cell. Even in such a small space it takes a second to spot Vince among all the material hanging down and all over the floor. He's sitting on the end of Howard's cot bed, his finger in his mouth and frowning.

_"You sure you're OK Vince?"_

_"Yeah, it's just a small cut."_

Howard looks around him again, amazed at the transformation he's witnessing.

_"This looks great Vince. Really, it's great."_

_"Well I wanted to finish if off properly for you so I thought I'd divide the cell up into three areas, one for you to sleep, one for me to sleep, and a dressing area. I just cut my finger a little on this metal gate."_

_"What you gonna do with that?"_

_"Well I'm giving you a bedhead. It's the perfect width. Can you help me lift it in place please Howard?"_

The two men position the gate at the head of Howard's cot and sure enough it sits perfectly. Vince then grabs some blankets and a couple of cushions, and makes the bed finishing the whole thing off with a large fluffy throw. Howard reaches down to stroke it.

_"Wow that's really soft. I'd no idea that was in here."_

_"Nice isn't it.? It's my piece de resistance."_

Howard sits himself down on the end of the bed as Vince finishes picking up the last few bits from the floor. He instinctively distributes them around the room and into perfect spots.

_"There, all done!"_

_"Seriously Vince, I love this."_

_"Cheers Howard. I'm pretty pleased with it myself."_

_"Where do you get all your ideas from?"_

_"I don't know really. It just seems to come naturally."_

_"Monty would love you as a set designer. That's if he still had a theater company."_

_"Yeah shame about that. That would be a great job. Speaking of Monty I need to get out of these clothes and into some new ones. You think he'd mind if I borrowed a few more things?"_

_"No Vince, he's fine with it. Help yourself."_

Vince moves between the drapes and into the new 'dressing room'. Howard removes his jacket and slides backwards up the bed. He rests against his new bedhead, enjoying the spongey feel of all the blankets beneath him. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, letting an easy peace flow through him. As he reopens them he notices movement and realises there's a gap in the drapes. He can see Vince but the angles are all odd. It takes him a moment to realise it's the mirror he can see, and Vince reflected into it. Howard swallows.

_"So now all this is done I thought we could do something about the outside too."_

Howard's not sure when Vince started talking.

_"It could do with a lick of paint don't you think? But not just any old boring colour though."_

Howard is holding his breath. Vince has his back to the mirror and is pulling the sequined black shirt out from his waistband. He starts to undo his belt.

_"Red could work. Red's a really powerful colour. It would set you apart from the other buildings."_

Vince puts one hand against the wall and with the other pulls off a boot. Then the other boot followed by his socks.

_"Or blue. Now blue's a nice calming colour."_

With his back still to the mirror Vince begins unbuttoning his shirt. Howard can hear the gentle jangling sound of the belt hung open on Vince's hips.

_"There's the veranda too. Now that's just crying out for a pair of rocking chairs don't you think?"_

Vince undoes the final button and slides the shirt off his shoulders to reveal a slender back as porcelain as it is flawless. Muscles ripple slightly under the skin as he pulls the belt through the runners of his trousers.

_"It would be well cool us two sharing a drink on the veranda, watching the world go by."_

Vince's arms are far more muscular than Howard would have guessed, and, as if on cue, his right bicep peaks as he reaches to hang the belt over a bar.

_"And we can invite Monty over. I bet he's got some stories. Between the two of you I won't have to read a book again."_

Vince turns now towards the mirror, his hands holding on to the top of his trousers ready to pull them down. As he turns he looks into the mirror and catches Howard's eye.

Both men freeze.

.

.

_"Shit Vince, shit, stupid shit, I'm sorry. I just, I dunno, I'm really sorry."_

Howard starts to scoottle off the side of his bed. Vince charges quickly through the drapes and stands at the foot of it.

_"Howard stop!"_

_"Vince I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It's like I can't help myself. It's so wrong, I'm so sorry."_

_"I said stop!"_

Howard having stood dares to look up into Vince's face. He winces slightly as he sees the seriousness of Vince's expression. He hangs his head.

_"I'm sorry Vince."_

The sheriff plonks himself back down on the bed ashamed to look anywhere but at the ground.

_"Have you finished apologising Howard?"_

Howard nods his head uncomfortably.

_"Can we talk about this then please?"_

Vince walks around the side of the bed and sits on the far end of it. He sits fully on, legs crossed beneath him, his chest still bare.

_"Howard please look at me."_

Howard complies and turns to face the younger man. With difficulty he manages to keep his eyes from Vince's naked torso.

_"I keep catching you staring at me Howard."_

_"Yeah, I'm sorry. I just…"_

_"Please don't start apologising again. It's fine you know."_

_"What?"_

_"It's fine. In fact I kind of like it. You don't have to keep saying sorry."_

_"You don't mind?"_

_"Well it is a little bit pervy, but to be honest Howard it's very flattering too."_

_"But you don't mind that I'm, you know…"_

_"What, a friend?"_

_"No, a man?"_

_'Ha, no! Why would I care that you're a man? Each to their own Howard."_

_"I just thought it might scare you off if you knew that I was, you know..."_

_"You have trouble saying what you mean sometimes don't you Howard. Are you trying to tell me you're into men?"_

_"Vince, I'm really sorry. This wasn't meant to happen. I really didn't think you'd be staying this long, and now you're here, and I've made it all weird."_

_"Howard, I asked if you are into men?"_

Howard looks away and at the floor again.

_"Will you leave if I say yes?"_

There's a sudden silence between the two of them. Howard scrunches his eyes shut. It's out there now, right out there in the open, hanging between them. He feels the mattress move as Vince shifts his weight. He assumes Vince is getting up off the bed, but instead he suddenly feels a hand upon his shoulder. He jumps in surprise.

_"Howard, can you look at me again please?"_

Howard sheepishly does as he is asked. The seriousness in Vince's expression is still present, but he realises that there's no anger in the eyes. If anything they are sparkling.

Vince pushes against Howard's shoulder in order to get the larger man to shuffle around a bit. Now facing each other properly Vince lowers his hand and puts it instead on Howard's knee.

_"I want to tell you something Howard and I want you to listen properly and understand it OK?"_

Howard nods slowly as if hypnotised. He's placated by the hand on his knee, by the proximity of Vince's body, by the rich gentle tone of his voice.

Vince removes his hand and settles back slightly. He's sitting on the side of the bed now, mirroring Howard, one bare foot on the floor, the other tucked beneath him. He's not broken eye contact once.

_"Howard, I'm not really into men myself."_

Howard grimaces but before he can close his eyes in shame Vince's hand is on his knee again.

_"No Howard, just listen. I said I'm not really into men. That doesn't mean I haven't had a bit of fun with a couple now and again."_

_"What? You've been with a man?"_

_"No, I've not been with a man, if you're talking about what I think you're talking about. I've kissed a couple though when I was really drunk. And an old mate of mine called Rusty used to try it on a bit now and again. He'd pinch my arse, squeeze my thigh, that kind of thing."_

_"But you're not into men like I'm into men are you?"_

_"No Howard. I'm not. I'd be lying if I said I was. But what I'm also saying is that I'm not bothered that you are."_

There's silence again as Vince lets these words sink in.

_"Howard?"_

_"It's not as simple as that though is it Vince?"_

_"What's not?"_

_"Us."_

_"I've only known you a day Howard."_

_"Yeah I know Vince, but you're, well you're, you're…"_

_"I'm turning you on?"_

_"Do you have to be so blunt?"_

_"Well someone has to be. It would take you an hour to spit it out else."_

_"OK, yes, you're turning me on."_

Vince can't help but giggle.

_"Are you laughing at me?"_

_"No, of course not Howard. It's just, as I say, we've only known each other a day and look at us. You've already spilled your soul to me, we've moved in together, and now I'm sitting half-naked on your bed with you confessing your love to me. It is kinda funny."_

_"Is it really?"_

_"It is a bit yeah. Oh come on Howard, I'm not taking the piss, I promise I'm not. I feel it too you know. Something special between us. I felt it from the moment we first touched yesterday. Can't say I've ever had that reaction to a bloke before. Scared me a bit to be honest."_

_"Scared the shit out of me too."_

Vince chuckles again but this time Howard joins him. Howard looks at Vince and is rewarded with a smile.

_"You are very beautiful though Vince."_

Howard can't believe he just let those words out of his mouth. His eyes widen in astonishment at his own frankness. Vince's eyes widen too, but it's more in gentle amusement. Vince smiles again.

_"You can touch me if you want to Howard."_

The sheriff is still staring wide-eyed at Vince. He's not sure if he's heard correctly.

_"What?"_

_"I said you can touch me if you want. I think I'd quite like that."_

Howard's still not sure he's heard right.

Vince reaches forward and takes Howard's hand into his. The pair still haven't broken eye contact. Vince clutches Howard's hand in both of his and slowly brings it up to meet his lips. He kisses it softly and holds it there against his cheek.

_"I'm giving you permission Howard to touch me. Nothing more though. I'm not sure if I can handle any you know what. Let's just take it slowly yeah. See what happens."_

Howard is finding it hard to speak. Vince's stubble is grazing his knuckles. He rubs his thumb across Vince's cheek and finds the prickly softness of his sideburn. Vince slightly leans his head into the touch.

_"But you're not into men Vince."_

_"I know Howard, but I might be into you. I'm not sure yet. Can we just try a couple of little things tonight yeah? Just to test the water so to speak."_

Howard can hardly believe what he's hearing. He feels a little detached from himself and wonders how they got here. This wonderful creature on his bed offering himself to him. Things like this didn't happen to Howard Moon, well not anymore. He's not sure if he deserves it really but he damn well isn't going to pass on this opportunity. He's sick of being the underdog, the meek and mild Howard Moon, the apologetic and penitent Howard Moon. He used to be so full of guile and energy, he used to be so sure of himself, of his actions, of his words. He used to be brave. Well for tonight he was going to be brave again.

Howard still rubbing the side of Vince's face frees the rest of his fingers from the younger man's hands and reaches around to the side of Vince's neck. He runs his fingertips through the soft hairline behind the ear and moves his thumb from the sideburn to Vince's earlobe. He gently runs the pad of his thumb across it and then up around the outer ear. Vince shivers and closes his eyes. Howard moves his hand further to the back of Vince's head and gently but firmly pulls Vince's face towards his own. He leans in and plants a tiny kiss on each of Vince's closed eyes, pausing longer on the second to lip-nibble at his eyebrow, before moving his kisses down the side of Vince's face. He finds himself again at Vince's sideburn and kisses and nips down to it's tip. He keeps going until he rests his mouth just to the side of Vince's lips.

Howard pulls back.

_"You still OK Vince?"_

Howard's voice though a whisper is full of concern. Vince feels his heart melt.

Vince opens his eyes to look at his admirer.

_"Yeah Howard. It's really nice."_

_"You'll tell me if I do anything you don't like won't you?"_

_"I will Howard. Don't worry. I trust you."_

Howard runs his thumb across the side of Vince's face again.

_"Would you mind lying down for me then?"_

Vince smiles and climbs fully onto the bed. He lays back against the cushions and wiggles against the softness of the throw beneath his back.

_"I knew this was a good choice."_

Howard laughs and turns to face Vince. The two men look at each other for a while, both starting to breathe heavily in anticipation. Eventually Howard reaches out and puts his hand on Vince's sternum. Vince doesn't move, just continues to hold Howard's lustful gaze with his own.

Howard starts tracing patterns into Vince's chest hair with his forefinger. He traces out letters. E. L. E. C. T. R. O. Vince giggles and closes his eyes. Howard flattens his hand into a palm and rubs upwards across Vince's chest, along his shoulder, and down to the bicep that he'd been so avidly admiring early. He squeezes it gently encouraging Vince to flex it for him. He caresses back across the shoulder and to the chest where he starts making circles around Vince's right nipple. He gets closer and closer, watching fascinated as it begins to harden. He looks at Vince's face but the young man is making no move to stop him. He circles once more and then lightly takes the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Vince bucks slightly but keeps his eyes closed. Howard starts delicately rubbing the nipple until it's fully hard. He then leans forward and takes it in his mouth, moving his hand across to the other nipple to work both together.

A groan escapes Vince's lips. Howard doesn't think he's ever heard a more beautiful sound and decides right there and then that all he wants to do tonight is make Vince moan as much as humanely possible.

Howard kisses across to that delicious patch of chest hair and then moves beyond to the other nipple. A second moan makes Howard's very being disappear into it's self. He feels his own penis growing in response but tries to compartmentalise that. This isn't about him tonight, this is about Vince, about making this man feel at ease under his touch, about showing him how much he already means to him. About making him moan like that again.

Howard licks the left nipple and then blows across it. Vince squirms. Howard pushes himself away from Vince and pulls his shirt off over his head. Vince opens his eyes.

_"Do you mind? It's just I'm getting rather hot."_

_"It's fine Howard, I just wondered where you'd gone."_

Howard kicks off his boots and socks so both men are now only in their trousers. Howard gets onto the bed and lies on his side next to Vince, head propped up on his left hand. He returns his right to the middle of Vince's chest to play with the hair.

_"You can kiss me if you want to Howard."_

_"I wasn't sure if you'd like that."_

_"I know. I wasn't sure myself but I'd like to try it now."_

_"OK. Sit up then."_

_"Sit up?"_

_"Yeah, it will be better if you sit up."_

Both shuffle to a seated position.

_"Why sitting up?"_

_"Because I can't do this when you're lying down."_

Howard places a hand either side of Vince face and leans in. Vince closes his eyes again and suddenly there they are, Howard Moon's lips against his own. Vince's instant response is to want to push Howard away, a reaction to the tickliness of the sheriff's moustache. It doesn't quite feel right. The lips kissing his should be soft and delicate, not prickly and firm. He tenses.

Howard realises that Vince has become slightly unresponsive and quickly moves away from his lips, instead cupping Vince's chin and kissing his way up his jawline. He whispers something indecipherable into Vince's ear that makes the smaller man shudder, and then he nibbles at his earlobe finally putting the tip of his tongue out to lick the ridges. Vince groans and Howard can feel him begin to relent under his caress. As he strokes the back of Vince's neck he nuzzles the delicate pulse point below his ear, taking time to breathe Vince in. He kisses the same spot and gently nips at the skin. Vince makes a tiny murmur and drops his head onto Howard's shoulder. The sheriff tenderly relifts Vince's head and slowly kisses his way back along the jawline to Vince's mouth. This time he finds the lips moist and slightly parted. He takes Vince's bottom lip between his own and sucks at it delicately, putting out his tongue every so often to taste the younger man. He feels Vince yield further and begin to kiss back, angling his head into it. Howard puts his tongue out again and this time Vince catches it between his lips, encouraging Howard to enter further. The sheriff needs no second invite. He cups his hand behind Vince's head and pulls him into a stronger, more urgent kiss. Vince opens himself completely and their tongues clash into each other as if dueling.

Howard wonders if the other man will dare to touch him back at any point. That's OK though, he wouldn't change this for the World. He moves his right hand over Vince's shoulder and down his back, feeling for the first time the tiny bumps and ridges of Vince's spine. He rests his hand against the small of Vince's back and pulls him forward. Vince moans and momentarily breaks the kiss, breathless and red cheeked.

_"You still OK little man?"_

_"Yeah Howard, but a part of me's not so little any more."_

_"I had noticed Vince. Did you want me to help with that?"_

_"Umm, yeah, I reckon."_

_"Sure?"_

_"Sure."_

Howard pulls Vince back into a kiss and pushes against the smaller man forcing Vince to lie down again. He softens his kisses, teasing Vince by staying slightly out of reach and then pecking chastely at his lips. Vince responds by finally reaching out and grabbing Howard's head, pulling him down into a kiss so deep Howard nearly forgets to breathe. In the midst of this kiss Howard trails his fingers down the centre of Vince's chest, back through the chest hair that has become his new favourite place, and further down to Vince's belly button. He circles around this and finds the silky trail of hair beneath. He doesn't need to look, he knows exactly where it is having seen it only this morning as Vince lay sleeping. It had been in his mind ever since. He couldn't quite believe he was here now, touching it. Vince whimpers below him and he knows he has permission to keep going. He follows the trail down to the loose waistband of Vince's trousers and edges his way beneath. He keeps going down, and just before he grabs Vince's cock he pulls out of the kiss, determined to see the younger man's reaction. He's not disappointed.

Vince bucks almost violently and grabs at the makeshift metal bedhead behind him. His head goes back too revealing an oh so slim neck that's glistening with moisture. Howard's insides flip at the sight, and he tugs at Vince's trousers, demanding better access. Vince opens his eyes but not in protest. Instead he raises his hips and allows Howard to free him. Howards doesn't look away from Vince. He doesn't look down although he desperately wants to. He's aware of how exposed Vince will be feeling right now and doesn't want to do anything that might jeopardise Vince's pleasure.

Howard readjusts his grip around Vince's penis and starts steadily pumping. Vince immediately shuts his eyes and throws his head back again. Howard can't resist reaching over to suck at the exposed neck and jawline. Vince pulls him into another kiss, moaning desperately into Howard's mouth as the Sheriff quickens his pace below. Howard runs his thumb across the tip of the head and then down the underside of Vince's member right to the base. Beneath him Vince has become shiny with sweat and Howard knows now he'll bring him to orgasm. He wants to see Vince when that happens. He pulls out of the kiss and moves to work on Vince's nipples. Still hard Howard nibbles and sucks at them, keeping his rhythm at top in time with whatever he's doing down below.

Vince reaches for Howard's head and runs his fingers through the fine hair. He's close to climax and very surprised at how quickly he got there. Howard's clearly had quite a bit of practice giving hand-jobs. He wonders about that for a second, a second that is until Howard suddenly moves to below his testicles and starts massaging the area there. Vince feels like he's on fire. His nervous system is in overload. Howard moves back to his cock, and pumps faster now, squeezing harder, pulling longer, circling the head and then back to the base. Vince tenses. Howard can feel the heat radiating off of him and lifts himself higher up on his arm so he can see Vince's face. This beautiful man below him is literally glowing. His skin has become sleek and his fringe is sticking slightly to this forehead. His lips look fuller where they have reddened from kissing, and he is mouthing unheard words. Howard circles again underneath the testicles and Vince's breathe becomes shallower and shallower and shallower. Then Howard pumps quicker and quicker until Vince throws his head back one more time, knuckles white where he's gripping the bedhead, and orgasms with a ferocity Howard's never seen in another man. He cries out in a kind of victorious gasp and bucks into Howard's hand, before laying spent beneath him, chest rising and falling, heart hammering, head dizzy and swirling. His body jolts a couple more times. Howard falls flat to the bed beside Vince, his left arm finally giving out to his weight. He lies there staring at Vince, equally short of breath, sweaty, and very happy.

Vince steadies his breathing and rolls over onto his side to face Howard, his eyes open but glazed. He smiles languidly and moves his hand to stroke the side of Howard's face. He leans in and gives the sheriff a peck on the lips.

_"Wow."_

_"That OK then?"_

_"Yeah Howard that was more than OK."_

Vince shuts his eyes and Howard watches him as he drifts off to sleep. He plants a kiss on Vince's forehead and gently raises himself off the bed. He pulls a throw across the young man's body and moves quietly out the room to clean himself up and pour himself a stiff drink.


	9. Day 3 Part 1

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 3 Part 1**

Howard Moon, having spent the night on his sofa, had got up and left the jailhouse early. Vince had still been asleep, and he was fast getting the impression that The Electro-Kid liked his lie-ins.

It is fair to say that Howard isn't a man who finds fun easily, and the events of the night before were now swarming around his head like a plague of locusts. The anxieties and doubts that he'd been so successful in holding at bay during the previous evening's antics had all stormed back into his thoughts in the cold light of the morning.

It wasn't really about Vince though. Well at least it wasn't a fear regarding how Vince would react when he woke. Somehow Howard knew that Vince would be cool with it, that he would take it in his stride like he seemed to take everything. Hell, he even thought there was a good chance Vince would let him do it again. Howard blushed a little at that prospect.

No, that wasn't it at all. The main problem here was Howard. How could he have been so foolish in letting his desires get the better of him like that? It was no way for a sheriff to act, especially one that was meant to be looking out for Vince. Talk about abusing a position of power.

And what about Tommy? Wasn't that why he was still in Moonstone? He was meant to be seeking Vince's help in bringing Dixon Bainbridge to justice, not seeking Vince's..., well..., you know what.

Everything he had done last night was a gobful of spit flung in the face of Tommy's memory.

Howard, having walked aimlessly for half an hour, finally finds himself at the edge of the town cemetery. An anger swells inside him, and anger that rears up every time Howard comes here. Even this most sacred of places has been violated by Bainbridge. A large screen fence runs all the way around it's perimeter, and access to the cemetery can only be gained via a tollgate manned night and day by one of his cronies. The people of Moonstone can't even visit their deceased love ones without paying a price. It always made Howard feel physically sick.

The sheriff strolls over to a specific part of the fence and straddles his fingers through it. From this spot he can just about make out Tommy's grave. He can't read the inscription on the headstone, but he doesn't need to. He knows it off-by-heart.

**'_Here lies Tommy the Cheese, Father of Moonstone and dear friend to all. May he rest forever in peace and happiness._'**

Howard notices that someone had put a small yellow flower on his headstone. He smiles to himself. No doubt it was one of the visiting widows distributing a few floral tributes on the more unkept graves. There were still some amazing people living in this town. It gave Howard hope.

_"Hi Tommy."_

It had been a long time since Howard last visited. He is a bit unsure of what to say.

_"Sorry I've been neglecting you old pal."_

Howard runs his hand through his hair.

_"I, err, well, I've not really made any headway since I was last here I'm afraid. There doesn't seem to be anywhere else to look Tommy. I've been back through every possible file and newspaper clipping we have on Bainbridge but nothing new's coming to light. It's like I've hit a massive brick wall Tommy, and I don't know where to dig to make it crumble."_

Howard isn't hearing the footsteps coming up behind him.

_"What would really help Tommy is if I could get out of here and go visit a few nearby towns. Ask around a bit you know, see if anyone's heard of him elsewhere. He must have done similar stuff before. A slimeball like him doesn't just come into existence overnight. He's gotta have a family somewhere, a history, a past."_

The footsteps stop just as Howard does. The sheriff is still unaware that someone's listening to him.

_"I promise though Tommy, I really do, that one of these days I'm gonna make that evil son-of-a-bitch Bainbridge pay for what he's done to us!"_

_"Are you really Moon? Well that isn't very neighbourly now is it?"_

Howard starts to turn as the booming voice of Dixon Bainbridge startles him out of his monologue, but he just isn't quite quick enough. Bainbridge hits out with some sort of cosh and connects with the side of Howard's head, sending the sheriff flying to the ground. Howard grunts heavily as he lands, dazed and short of breath as the wind is knocked out of him. Bainbridge moves forward and kicks Howard in the stomach for good measure.

_"What was that you were saying Moon? You gonna make me pay are you? You and who's army? You and that pretty little deputy of yours? Don't make me laugh. You're nothing but a washed-up wannabe hero Moon, and the sooner you come to accept that the better."_

Howard, clutching his stomach, rolls onto his back and tries to focus. His head is swimming with colours and he blinks furiously trying to clear the rainbow fog that's clouding his vision.

Bainbridge laughs in that big hearty way of his.

_"Look at you Moon. Why I almost feel sorry for you. I know the man you once were and it makes me sad to see you now, like this, rolling around in the dirt."_

Howard's vision finally stops waltzing around and he squints up at the mayor.

_"I will get you Bainbridge, I swear on all that is sacred that this will never be over, not until I've…"_

_"Hush now sheriff. Don't get yourself in a tizzy. What you think you'll do, or what you want to do is of no consequence to me. You can't touch me Moon, you can't lay a damn thing on me and you know it. It's really not worth you getting all emotional now is it?"_

Howard suddenly kicks his leg out trying to make contact with Bainbridge's kneecap, but Dixon simply steps backwards out of reach.

_"Tsk tsk sheriff, now that's no way to treat your mayor is it? Someone needs to teach you some manners boy."_

Quick as you like Bainbridge jumps forward and brings the cosh down again on the side of Howard's head. The force of it knocks Howard back onto his side and renders him unconscious.

Bainbridge stands over him for a while checking that he's still breathing. Teaching him a lesson is one thing, but he certainly doesn't want Howard dead. No, he wants him submissive and obedient. He wants him to stop digging around. Not that he's particularly worried, he doesn't think Howard could possible find anything on him. But Bainbridge is smart enough to know that it's almost impossible to cover every track. He'd just rather Howard Moon stopped looking completely.

Howard moans and his eyes start to roll under their lids. Bainbridge smiles and kneels down next to the sheriff. He leans over and puts his mouth right up against Howard's ear.

_"This was a warning Moon. There won't be another. Stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours. Comprende?"_

Howard's eyes flicker open and he moans again.

_"I asked you a question Moon. Do you understand?"_

_"Fuck you Bainbridge!"_

Howard manages to spit out the words before closing his eyes and drifting back into unconsciousness.

Bainbridge stands and gives him one more kick to the stomach before dusting himself off and smoothing his moustache into place.

_"You're a brave man, I give you that Sheriff Moon, but you're somewhat stupid to think you can outwit me."_

Bainbridge turns away from the unresponsive lawman and beckons to one of his lackeys who's been hiding behind a tree. The man comes running over and hands Bainbridge his jacket. He looks down at Howard.

_"Should I get a couple of the boys to come and fetch him boss?"_

A small rivulet of blood has edged past Howard's hairline to begin it's journey across the side of his forehead and toward his eyebrow.

_"No, just leave him. He'll come around soon enough." _

The two men turn away and descend the hill back to town.


	10. Day 3 Part 2

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 3 Part 2**

Vince's eyes flicker open slowly. He rolls onto his back and stretches his arms and spine out, flexing his toes and fingers. There is something utterly satisfying about a morning stretch, even more so when it is the morning after a very enjoyable night before.

Vince cocks his head upwards from the pillow and listens. He can't see past the drapes into the rest of the jailhouse, but the hollow silence of the place tells him that Howard isn't home. He can sense it.

Ruffling his fingers through his hair he sits up, looking around for his discarded trousers. He smiles to himself as the memory of Howard easing them off comes back to him, and he finds them on the floor at the end of the bed. Putting them on he makes his way barefooted and barechested through to the main area of the jailhouse. He sees a screwed up blanket on the couch and realises that Howard must have slept out here. Vince feels a little guilty for having kicked the sheriff out of his own bed, especially as he himself had slept so well. Of course Vince wouldn't have minded if Howard had stayed with him all night, but he knew, realistically, that was too much too soon for the both of them.

Now though Vince starts to feel a concern. Something in his gut is niggling at him. He can't quite place it. Something just seems a bit off.

He puts a pot of water on the boil, knowing a good wash will wake him up fully. As it heats he returns to the bedroom area to pick out some new clothes for the day. He smiles again as he remembers why he didn't get to pick them out the evening before.

Vince rifles through Monty's chest and finds a pair of slacks and a striped shirt that he assumes must have been part of a pirate costume at one time. He gathers a few more bits and makes his way back to the stove for that wash.

He dresses slowly, his eyes always on the door to the jailhouse. His stomach rumbles. Maybe Howard's gone out for food he thinks to himself. Still, he's been gone a fair while. He looks around the place for a clue, a sign, anything that could suggest where Howard might be. There's nothing obvious.

He sits down at the table and cuts himself a hunk of bread, chewing and swallowing it in a very deliberate fashion. Still he can't pull his gaze away from the door. Something is gnawing inside of him, like that tummy churning you get when you've forgotten an important detail, or when you suddenly remember you should be somewhere else.

Vince frowns and lightly chews at the nail on his thumb. Is he being paranoid? Howard probably just needed to go for a walk. Or maybe he is doing his rounds as sheriff. Lawman duties and the like. Maybe someone required his help, and he was out there now rounding up hens or fixing some child's rocking horse.

Yet inside Vince the apprehensiveness refuses to back down. It's hot and it's slightly nauseating. It's sticky and heavy, like a yearning, a pull, a craving. It's definitely there alright. Vince sucks on his upper lip. He looks back at the door. No it isn't a craving, and it's more than apprehension. It is darker and deeper than that. It is a portent. A foreboding. He knows it in his bones, in the recesses of his mind, in his soul. He frowns again and roughly scrunches his hair. He strokes his upper arm. He chews at the inside of his mouth. He pushes his hands outwards across the table top, as wide as he can, and drums his fingers on the wooden surface. Five minutes pass. Ten. He sits there, fiddling with a splinter sticking out from the underside of the table. He pulls it free and flicks it across the room. Then his hand is back into his hair, pulling a strand straight and twirling it round and around and around his finger like a child. He fidgets in his chair, he finger drums, he strokes his arm, back to the finger drumming. Fifteen minutes. He gets up. He sits back down. He cuts more bread and pokes holes in it with his forefinger. He tears some off and rolls it between his palms making a small doughy ball. He pushes it back and forth across the table quicker and quicker until he misjudges and it goes flying off the end. He chews at his lip again. Twenty minutes.

Suddenly Vince stands, charges into the bedroom, grabs his hat and the first poncho he sees, and then all but runs out of the jailhouse, slamming the door behind him.

Vince jumps down the steps outside the jailhouse and starts to run to the main street. There's far more people out and about than there had been yesterday and he suddenly realises that many eyes are on him. He slows to a walk and then stops altogether near a goods store, looking around him unsure of which direction to take. He thinks maybe he should ask around, see if anyone has spoken to the sheriff that morning. He starts to enter the store just as three young women exit. They stare at him in amazement before the one with flaming red hair flutters her eyelashes and playful says "_hello there handsome"_. Vince responds with a tip of his hat, a huge smile and a greeting of "_good morning ladies", _which sends the three of them into a sort of giggling meltdown. They scurry away, heads pressed together, whispering and throwing cautious kittenish glances in Vince's direction. He winks at them cheekily, causing another round of manic giggling, before he takes the steps up into the store.

The elderly fellow behind the counter gawps at Vince as he enters, making the young cowboy feel a bit uncomfortable.

_"Hey there. I was just wondering if you'd happened across Sheriff Moon this morning?"_

The store owner doesn't say anything. He just stares at Vince and slowly shakes his head from side to side.

_"OK then"_, says Vince bemused. _"Thanks for your help, I think."_

He retreats out the shop and stands again in the street. Across on the other side a group has gathered in front of what looks to be a dressmakers. They are all watching him.

Vince takes a deep breathe and strolls over to the group.

_"Hi",_ he says as cheerily as possible, _"I'm Vince. Vince Noir. I'm new in town and I was wondering if any of you had seen the sheriff this morning?"_

The group, which consists of two men and two women, all gape at him until eventually one of the women steps forward.

_"Excuse our manners , it's just we're a little unaccustomed to seeing new faces around these parts. My name's Eleanor Hopkins and this is my husband Lucien."_

Lucien shakes Vince's hand.

_"Pleasure to meet you sir."_

Eleanor continues,

_"And this is Neville Bamshoot, our town's wonderful physician. He's simply a marvel."_

_"Welcome ."_

_"And this is Miss Susan Glister, owner of this store."_

Eleanor gently pushes the other woman forward towards Vince, but Miss Glister drops her head in modesty and squeaks a barely audible '_hello_'.

Vince grins again at the group.

_"I'm truly honoured to meet you all. Thank you."_

Eleanor puts her arm around Susan's shoulders.

_"Don't mind our Suse here, she's terribly shy. Now what the devil are you doing in Moonstone ? Looking for Howard Moon did you say?"_

_"Yes. I just arrived the other day. I'm a Deputy Sheriff in training, except I seem to have lost my teacher."_

_"Deputy Sheriff?"_, Lucien stammers. _"Well I'll be damned."_

_"Why that's wonderful news"_, adds Eleanor, _"Simply wonderful. It will be great for Moonstone to have two lawmen again, what after poor Tommy and all those rumours…"_

Eleanor's voice trails off as Lucien nudges her in the arm as a warning.

Vince looks at her quizzically but doesn't ask her to elaborate. Instead he repeats his question regarding Howard's whereabouts. Neville replies,

_"Apologies but I can't say as I have."_

The rest of the group shake their heads.

_"Have you tried the cemetery?"_

From behind Vince the booming and now instantly recognisable voice of Dixon Bainbridge makes the whole group collectively jump. Vince spins on his heels to face the mayor as Eleanor and company automatically huddle just a smidgen closer together.

Vince is determined to hold his nerve.

_"Mayor Bainbridge, good morning Sir. No I haven't tried the cemetery. Have you seen Sheriff Moon there today?"_

_"No, but it's just the sort of place you'll be likely to find a snivelling wretch like Moon. Moping about, crying for his ex-girlfriend Tommy the Jerk-Off."_

Vince feels a hot rush of anger rise inside of him. '_This guy really is a dick_' he thinks. He tries to control his voice, remembering before he speaks that he's meant to be playing a bit of a half-wit.

_"Sheriff Moon wouldn't cry Mayor Bainbridge, Sir. Sheriff Moon's a hero."_

Vince can't help feeling embarrassed in front of the others for putting on his 'dopey' act. Still, Howard had made him promise to play it safe, and this was his best shot at being allowed to remain in Moonstone.

Bainbridge glares at Vince with a frightening ferocity. He raises the corner of his upper lip in an almost evil smirk.

_"Howard Moon is the most deplorable, puny, repulsive, second-rate joke of a sheriff I've ever had the misfortune to come across. The sooner you get that into your thick skull laddie the better."_

Vince can't help himself and he makes to take a step forward, finger raised in a point. Eleanor quickly reaches out and puts a steadying hand on his shoulder.

_"Easy cowboy!"_

Vince drops his hand but glares back at Bainbridge with a steely-blue determination.

_"You eye-fucking me pretty boy?"_

Bainbridge takes two large strides towards Vince, closing the gap to less than a foot. He leans right into Vince forcing the young man to lean back slightly.

_"You try and eye-fuck me again pretty boy and you'll be wearing your face on the other side of your head."_

Bainbridge lifts his right hand and balls it into a tight fist. Vince closes his eyes and waits but nothing happens. After a few seconds he risks opening one eye, but Bainbridge is already walking away from him laughing. Vince lets out the breathe he didn't realise he'd been holding.

The group still standing behind him visibly relaxes too. Vince turns back to face them. He smiles weakly.

_"Can any of you tell me where the cemetery is please?"_

Eleanor returns the smile and puts her hand reassuringly on Vince's arm.

_"Sure pet. It's just on the edge of town at the top of the hill. Just keep going to the end of the main street and there's a trail up to it."_

Vince murmurs his thanks and a hasty goodbye.

_"Great!_" he says quietly to himself, _"Now all the town's going to think I'm a simpleton and a pushover."_

He puts his head down and quickens his pace towards the graveyard.


	11. Day 3 Part 3

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

**Comment: **I just wanted to quickly say a big thank you to anybody out there who's read this and is still keen for more. I really appreciate it. x

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 3 Part 3**

Having easily found the main path up to the cemetery Vince reaches the top of the climb and looks around him. The trail seems to end at wooden gate in front of which sits a weasely-looking man behind a table and a couple of large crates. Vince looks to the left and the right of him, his eyes tracing what appears to be a fence in both directions. Behind the fence he can make out headstones. It's very confusing to him.

Vince makes his way gingerly toward the man. He notices as he nears that the man appears to be whittling something.

_"Excuse me."_

_"Yup?"_

The man doesn't look up.

_"Umm, I was wondering if you could tell me if Sheriff Moon's visited the cemetery today?"_

The man still doesn't look up but a slight pause in his carving alerts Vince to the fact that this man knows something.

_"Nope."_

Vince decides to try a different tact.

_"Are you sure because Mayor Bainbridge just told me that he was up here."_

The man finally looks up at the mention of his the mayor's name, and then does a sort of double-take as he absorbs the sight of Vince standing before him.

_"The Mayor told you?"_

_"Well yeah, at least he told me to look up here."_

_"Oh right."_

Vince notices the man keeps looking shiftily at one of the crates.

_"So?"_

_"Umm. Well you might want to go that way maybe."_

The man points to his left.

_"Not sure if he's there or not. Might be. Sometimes he is, sometimes he ain't."_

_"Cheers. I'll take a look"_

Vince sees the man again glance at the crate, but he's not got time to worry about that now. All he wants to do is find Howard and get back to the much better plan of having a good breakfast.

He walks in the direction the man suggests. What on earth the fence is about is anyone's guess. Seems you have to pay to enter the cemetery. Vince shakes his head. '_That can't be right can it?_' he thinks to himself.

He walks quite a way lost in his own thoughts. He doesn't hear his name being called at first.

_"Vince."_

Vince stops. He looks around but can't see the source of the voice.

_"Howard. Is that you?"_

_"Vince. Help."_

_"Howard where are you? I can't see you."_

_"Help."_

_"Howard!"_

Vince suddenly spots him lying half in and half out of a particularly large patch of tall grass.

_"Howard, shit, what happened?"_

Vince dives to Howard's side as the sheriff starts to sit up.

_"Whoa there big guy. Take it easy yeah. Shit Howard, can you hear me alright? Just lay still a minute, let me take a look at you."_

Howard pushes Vince's hands away but his head is lolling about and his gaze is unsteady. Vince grabs both of his shoulders in a firm grip and pushes against him in order to get Howard to lie back down.

_"Please, stay put will you Howard."_

_"I'm alright Vince, I'm alright."_

_"You're not alright Howard. You've got a nasty cut on your head and your eyes are all over the place."_

Vince takes off his poncho and folds it into a makeshift pillow which he tucks beneath Howard's head.

_"Vince I'm OK. Don't fuss."_

_"Howard please, I'm not fussing. Just lie still for a bit yeah. I won't touch you. I'll just sit here with you, just till you feel a bit better."_

A couple of minutes pass in quiet, Howard with his eyes closed trying to take control of the spinning in his head, Vince sat right next to him desperately worried and wanting to take a closer look at that cut.

Howard opens his eyes.

_"Thanks Vince."_

_"It's OK Howard. Somebody's done a right number on your noggin' ain't they? Can I have a quick look?"_

Howard gives a tiny nod of the head and Vince gently searches through his hair till he finds the gash.

_"Someone clocked you alright. Looks like it's stopped bleeding though. Who did this Howard?"_

Howard closes his eyes again.

_"Bainbridge."_

_"Bainbridge? What, with his own hands?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Well let's go and arrest him then."_

_"We can't Vince. We've got no proof."_

_"But you're the Sheriff. Surely your word is proof."_

_"Not against the Mayor Vince. The Mayor who can get half of this town to be his alibi and force the other half to keep quiet."_

_"This is ridiculous Howard. He can't get away with beating you up. This is just stupid."_

_"I told you he was dangerous didn't I."_

Howard starts to sit up but winces as a sharp pain floods through him. He wraps his arm around his mid-section.

_"Howard, you alright?"_

_"Yeah, took a couple to the guts too."_

_"Do you reckon you'll be able to walk? I'd really like to get you home and cleaned up."_

_"There's a trail down behind us here. There's a few snaking down this hill. It's pretty steep this one though."_

_"I think we should walk back around to the main path then Howard. It'll probably be easier going in the long run."_

_"If you don't mind me using you as a crutch then I might just manage it."_

Howard makes to stand but promptly falls back on his rear as the dizziness overpowers him.

_"Shit."_

_"It's OK Howard. Nice and slow yeah."_

Howard raises himself again, this time allowing Vince to support him and prop him up. He gets to his feet, bent over double and leaning heavily across Vince's shoulders.

Vince grabs his poncho, tucks it into the back of his trousers and sets himself below Howard's weight. He wraps one arm as far as he can around the sheriff's waist and grabs Howard's hand with the other. He gives it an affectionate squeeze.

_"You ready then Howard? Just one foot in front of the other, OK? Little by little. If you need to stop we stop."_

_"Yeah, I'm ready little man."_

They start to walk back towards the gate and the path to town. Vince keeps glancing up at Howard, trying to ascertain just how much pain he's in and trying to preempt any difficulty. After thirty or so metres Howard starts to move a little easier. The dizziness passes and the muscles in his stomach settle to the rhythm of their steps. He tries to straighten slightly, wanting to lift some of his weight off of Vince's shoulders, but the younger man simply pulls him back down with a stern "_No!_"

They walk in silence for a few more paces, Howard concentrating on his breathing, Vince concentrating on not stumbling.

A few more steps.

_"Howard."_

_"Mmmm?"_

_"Do you mind if I ask you another quick question?"_

_"Sure."_

Vince pauses.

_"Umm. Where are your clothes?"_

Howard stops walking and looks down at himself. He can't believe he hadn't even noticed. Where are his trousers? He pulls at the vest he is wearing and it dawns on him that he's only in his underwear. Pants and vest. Oh and boots. Pants, vest and boots.

_"What the hell?"_

_"You've only just realised?"_

_"Where are my clothes?"_

_"I dunno Howard. That's why I was asking you."_

_"But, Bainbridge…surely not?"_

_"Why would he strip you?"_

_"He wouldn't. It's not his style."_

The two men look at each other for a moment, frowns on both of their faces. Suddenly Howard starts patting at his chest just above his heart.

_"No! No! No! No! No! No! No!"_

_"Howard, what is it?"_

Howard roars and lurches forward as if to start running down the slope. Vince flings his arms tightly around him and puts his shoulder into Howard's in an effort to stop him from running anywhere. Howard's arms are flailing and he knocks Vince's hat off. Vince has to duck to keep from being whacked in the face.

_"Howard stop! Please, stop, stop!"_

_"Tommy's cheese-wire Vince. They've taken Tommy's wire."_

Howard lunges forward again, and again Vince uses all his strength to stop him.

_"Please Howard. You're gonna hurt yourself some more. We'll get it back I promise. I'll get it back!"_

_"Why have I got no clothes on Vince?"_

Howard practically screams this into Vince's face. Vince starts to shake his head when suddenly he remembers the weasely man.

_"The crate Howard!"_

_"What?"_

_"The crate. The geezer at the gate to the graveyard was well shifty. I knew something was off about him. There was this crate…quick Howard. Can you move a little faster?"_

_"Damn straight I can."_

Howard moves surprisingly fast for a big man, especially a big man that's just had the shit kicked out of him, but it's no surprise that it's Vince that reaches the gate first. He skids to a stop in front of the now empty chair where the weasel-man had previously been sitting, and throws his hands in the air.

_"He's gone Howard."_

Howard catches up to Vince and stands alongside him, hands on knees and panting heavily.

Vince walks over to the table and picks up an object lying there. It's the whittled wood the man was crafting earlier. Vince can't tell what it's meant to be. He repeats,

_"He's gone Howard."_

Howard reaches out and takes the piece of wood from Vince's hands. He turns it over in his own.

_"Lance Parrot."_

_"Who?"_

_"Lance Parrot. He's a kind of nobody. Lived here years but pretty much works for Bainbridge now. It's not his fault really, he's got like a squillion kids to feed. Probably stole my clothes to make new ones for them."_

_"Well we've obviously scared him off Howard."_

_"Yeah, although I can't imagine Bainbridge will be best pleased he's left his post."_

Vince shrugs and walks over to the three crates. He bends to look inside the first. Nothing. He pulls at the lid of the second and peers in.

_"Howard!"_

The sheriff raises his head. Vince is practically diving into the crate and Howard stiffle's a chuckle. Vince looks decidedly comical as he teeters on the edge, legs lifted off the ground, head and shoulders completely inside the box. Then Howard remembers his own appearance.

_"Vince. What you doing?"_

_"I've got it Howard."_

_"Got what?"_

Vince pushes himself back out of the crate and trots towards Howard. Tommy's cheese-wire is dangling from his fingers. Howard stares at him for a moment and then grabs Vince's face with both his hands, planting a huge, strong kiss on the smaller man's lips. He pulls back staring into those precious blue eyes, Vince's face still between his palms.

_"You Vince are my good-luck charm."_

The electro-kid grins.

_"And you Howard are clearly concussed. We need to get you home now."_

Howard lets go of Vince's face and nods. They begin the descent down the hill.

Neither say anything for a while, but they keep throwing sideways glances at each other and smiling to themselves. Each man suddenly seems a little shy in the other's company. It's Vince who eventually speaks first.

_"You know Howard, you should go about in your undergarments more often. That's quite a look on you."_

_"Like what you see do you Sir?"_

Howard playfully flexes both arms, showing his muscles, then winces as the pain from his bruised stomach swells. Vince puts his hand on Howard's forearm.

_"Steady Strongman. You'll do yourself some permanent damage if you're not careful."_

His hand dwells on Howard's arm. He gives it a friendly rub.

_"Were you alright this morning Howard, when you woke up I mean?"_

Howard slows his pace.

_"Sure. What makes you think…?"_

His sentence dwindles off. He remembers that he wasn't quite right no.

_"It's just I felt a bit guilty is all. Felt like I'd taken advantage of you a little last night."_

_"Advantage of me? You didn't force me Howard."_

_"Yeah, I know that. It's just.."_

He falters again.

_"It's OK Howard. We'll just get you home yeah. We don't need to talk about it now."_

_"Cheers. Thanks."_

They reach the bottom of the hill and stand for a moment behind some outhouses so Howard can get his breathe back.

_"You know how you said I was your good-luck charm though Howard."_

_"Yep."_

_"Well you're in luck again big fella."_

Vince reaches inside the back of his jacket and pulls from the waistband of his trousers the poncho that he'd quickly stuffed down there earlier. He shakes it out and holds it up for Howard to see.

_"One size fits all."_

Howard glares at him but there's a playfulness in his eyes.

_"Do you mean to tell me that you've had that the whole time I've been running around in my jocks?"_

Vince's face cracks into a massive smile.

_"Sorry Howard. I completely forgot about it until five minutes ago. Still it's nice to get a full airing once in a while isn't it?"_

They both laugh.

_"If it wasn't for the fact you came and rescued me, and found Tommy's wire, well I'd teach you a damn good lesson Vince Noir."_

Still giggling they turn to face each other. Vince helps Howard put the poncho over his head. They stand, Vince's hands still holding on to the front of the garment. He smooths it out across Howard's chest and pauses above his heart.

_"Your badge Howard? Please don't tell me Lance took your badge too."_

_"No Vince. I left it at the jailhouse this morning. I'd have felt funny wearing it to visit Tommy. He's the real sheriff after all."_

_"I don't think he'd mind Howard. In fact I think you'd make him proud."_

Vince fondly strokes Howard's chest again before stepping backwards out of reach. He swallows down a nervous chuckle.

_"Do you think me and Tommy would have got on Howard?"_

Howard squints quizzically at the younger man before stepping forward and re-closing the gap between them. He takes a hand of Vince's in each of his.

_"Firstly Vince I can't imagine a soul in the world not getting on with you…"_

Vince drops his gaze to the ground, flattered but embarrassed. Howard lets go of his hand to lift Vince's chin back up again. He smiles tenderly as he notices the blush that's coloured Vince's cheeks. He runs his thumb across one.

_"…and secondly Vince yes, I reckon you and Tommy would have got on tremendously. In fact I reckon Tommy's looking down on us now pleased as punch that you've come into my life."_

_"Do you Howard?"_

_"I do Vince. I really believe that."_

Howard leans down and places his lips onto Vince's. This time it's sweeter and gentler than the one at the top of the hill. It's not a reaction. It's not greedy or hot or aching. It's soft and loving and deeply intense. Howard moves his lips against Vince's, delicately encouraging the younger man to kiss him back.

Vince initially stalls as he had the night before, but the feel of the moustache is more familiar to him now and he quickly parts his lips allowing Howard to taste him. He glides his hands up the side of Howard's neck and runs his fingers through the fine hair that covers his nape. Howard sighs into his mouth and Vince feels his knees weaken. He puts his hands onto Howard's broad shoulders to stable himself, but Howard has already read the situation. Without breaking the kiss he snakes his arms around Vince's back and waist, steadying the younger man and improving the angle. Howard's tongue meets with Vince's, velvety and warm and electrifyingly fervent as it coils around his own. The kiss deepens again as every nugget of desire and lust in Howard bursts directly into his tongue, and although still gentle, he sucks and nudges and pulls and journeys through every part of Vince's mouth. The younger man can barely breathe. It's like the oxygen is being sucked out of him. He's feeling giddy and euphoric, and as he wraps his arms around Howard's neck he fleetingly wonders if this is what it feels like to drown.

They stay like that, kissing and sucking and inhaling each other as if they were the last two men on Earth until, bereft of breath, they part.

Vince wobbles as his lungs suck in a big gulp of air. Howard reaches out to steady him again. He slips his palms under Vince's elbows and Vince grabs him back. Both men are gasping heavily. Howard places a hand on the top of Vince's head in a cherishing gesture. Vince slowly raises his gaze.

_"Bloody hell Howard."_

Vince's chest is still heavily rising and falling as his lungs fight to take back control.

Howard raises his eyebrows and shakes his head in wonderment.

_"You're incredible Vince."_

_"I'm incredible? My god Howard where did you learn to kiss like that?"_

_"I wasn't the only one kissing."_

_"No but…"_

Vince looks away.

_"Bloody hell."_

_"You said that already."_

Vince loosens his grip on Howard's arms as the strength in his legs returns. He looks up at the sheriff once more.

_"I don't know what's happening here Howard."_

_"Neither do I Vince. It's like you're the missing piece of me."_

_"I know Howard. I feel it too. Like this has been waiting to happen for a very long time. Like I was always meant to be here, with you."_

The two of them pause. They look away from each other, both minds whirling with words they want to say but can't seem to find.

Vince clears his throat.

_"So do you still think Tommy is watching us from the great beyond Howard?"_

_"I do Vince."_

_"Well we've sure given him a show so far haven't we."_

Howard snorts.

_"Yeah. He'd have enjoyed that I reckon."_

Another silence is eventually broken by Howard.

_"Actually Vince mentioning Tommy has reminded me of something important I need to do today. Something I need to do for you."_

_"What Howard?"_

_"Oh, you'll see little man. It's kind of a surprise."_

_"OK, but it best not take too long alright. I'm not very patient with surprises."_

_"Well get me home then yeah, help find me some new clothes, and then I'll tell you."_

_"Cool!"_

Vince grabs Howard's hand and practically drags him towards the main street and the jailhouse.


	12. Day 3 Part 4

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: M+** - Yeah, so this one gets a bit naughty. Please don't read on if scenes of a sexual nature upset you. It's not hardcore, but I need to give you warning. Thanks peeps. x

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 3 Part 4**

Vince is still leading Howard by the hand as they hit the main street. He's also still reeling from the kiss and a part of him knows he wants more. He's really not sure how this whole thing with Howard is going to pan out, and he's definitely not sure if he's comfortable taking it too much further, but boy oh boy can the sheriff kiss. Vince is very curious about Howard's past sexual encounters. He wonders if maybe Monty's in the mix somehow, but he just can't really imagine it. Monty's well old! Tommy? But Howard seemed pretty adamant that Tommy had just been a friend. That didn't really leave many other obvious options.

Vince is still musing when he is suddenly jerked to a stop.

_"Howard?"_

_"I'm about to walk through a crowded street wearing just a poncho Vince. I don't want to provide the added spectacle of being pulled along by you."_

Vince smiles.

_"Sorry Howard. But don't dally OK."_

As the two of them start down the street the red-haired girl from earlier comes skipping in front of them.

_"Hello again cowboy", _she says before rejoining her two giggling friends.

Vince turns to the three of them and doffs his hat.

_"Howdy ladies."_

More giggling.

Howard taps him on the shoulder.

_"Oi, what you doing?"_

_"Just being friendly Howard."_

_"Being flirty more like."_

_"Howard they're like 16 or something."_

Howard makes a deep 'humph' kind of sound.

_"Jealous are you sheriff?"_

Howard 'humphs' again but doesn't reply. He just picks up his speed, anxious to get home as quickly as possible before anybody else spots his near nakedness.

Too late..

_"Vince! O Vince sweetie."_

_"Hello again Mrs Hopkins."_

_"And Sheriff Moon. I see you two found each other then."_

Eleanor Hopkins runs her gaze up and down Howard's body, a confused expression on her face.

_"Good morning Mrs Hopkins. Quite a balmy day isn't it."_

_"If you say so Sheriff."_

Eleanor looks at Howard's bare legs and then at Vince. There's an awkward silence between the three of them. Howard coughs. Eleanor speaks first.

_"Well I should be running along then. I don't want to keep Vince here from his training."_

_"Training?"_

_"His training to become a deputy."_

_"Oh yes, of course."_

_"And Vince."_

_"Yes Mrs Hopkins?"_

_"Susan Glister is unmarried you know."_

With that and a wink Eleanor turns away from the men and continues along the street.

Howard looks at Vince, his head on an angle, a questioning frown on his face.

_"What?"_

_"Vince, exactly how did you meet Mrs Hopkins? And how do you know Miss Glister?"_

_"I just met them looking for you this morning."_

_"You were asking around about me?"_

_"Yeah Howard, of course I was. How do you think I found you at the cemetery?"_

_"I was gonna ask about that."_

Vince pauses and looks at the ground.

_"Actually Howard it was Bainbridge that told me to check there."_

_"What?"_

_"Well he didn't tell me as such. More suggested it through a volley of insults and threats."_

Howard shakes his head.

_"The audacity of that man."_

Vince nods in agreement.

_"We've gotta get him Howard. We just got to."_

The pair arrive at the jailhouse.

_"Yeah, well maybe we will now I've you along side me."_

_"That's sweet Howard. I really hope I can help."_

They enter and Howard quickly walks across to his desk.

_"Well I can certainly do something now that will make this quest for justice a little more official."_

Howard opens the drawer and pulls out his badge. He pins it to the front of his poncho.

Vince smirks.

_"Well it's a look of sorts Howard."_

Howard reaches again into the drawer and pulls out the silver deputy's badge. He nestles it in his palm as if it were fragile.

Vince stands quietly, blue eyes wide and sparkling, his belly doing excited little forward rolls. Howard walks to him.

_"Vince, I can't really put into words how special this badge is to me. It's seen so much and means so much. It embodies all that I was and all that I strived to be. It represents a way of life that I once lived, and a life that was snatched away from me. It's seen some bad things, but by god has it seen some good things too."_

_"Howard, I…"_

_"It's OK little man. I'm not sad. In fact I'm happy because I never thought this badge would be worn by anyone again. It deserves to be worn by someone with spirit and gumption and colour, not by some grumpy old twerp like me. I can't imagine anyone more fitting to wear this than you Vince. You represent every value that Tommy built Moonstone on, the values of courage and compassion and community. Vince, for everything you've already done, and for everything I know you will do, I'd like to have the honour of deputising you."_

With these final words Howard moves closer to Vince and pins the badge to the young man's breast. He rests his hand over the top of the badge, and Vince places his hand on top of Howard's.

_"Repeat after me Vince…"I, Vincent Noir, do swear…"_

_"It's just Vince, Howard."_

Howard smiles.

_"OK. I, Vince Noir, do swear.."_

_"I, Vince Noir, do swear…"_

_"..that I will faithfully and lawfully.."_

_"..that I will faithfully and lawfully.."_

_"..perform the duties of Deputy Sheriff.."_

_"..perform the duties of Deputy Sheriff..and maybe some other duties too.."_

_"Vince!"_

_"Sorry Howard."_

_"Perform the duties of Deputy Sheriff in this, the town of Moonstone."_

_"Perform the duties of Deputy Sheriff in this, the town of Moonstone."_

Howard looks deeply into Vince's eyes and smiles widely.

_"I, Sheriff Howard Moon, by the power vested in me by the occupants of Moonstone, declare you the new Deputy Sheriff. Congratulations Deputy Vince Noir."_

Vince smiles widely back. He curls his fingers into Howard's and squeezes gently.

_"You've just made a young man very happy Sheriff Moon."_

_"Yeah about that Vince. Just how old are you exactly?"_

Vince grins mischievously.

_"As the deputy in this town Howard I am making it a new law that you never ask me that question again."_

_"But.."_

_"No buts Sheriff. Now then, less than a couple of hours ago you were lying unconscious up a hill. What say we clean you up yeah and get that cut treated."_

Howard nods.

_"Alright Vince, whatever you say."_

_"And I reckon me and you need a new look to match our new partnership. I've got the perfect something in mind for you Howard."_

_"You have?"_

_"Do you trust me?"_

_"Yes, implicitly."_

_"Good, then get that poncho off."_

Howard sits and removes the sheriff's badge from his chest. He pulls the poncho off over his head and looks down at himself. His once white vest is now grimy with dirt. Across his arms and the exposed areas of leg above his boots lie crisscross scratches from the tall grass he'd been rolling in. He touches his head feeling how matted his hair is. He winces as his fingers brush the cut and notes how tight the skin on his face feels from the blood and sweat that's dried there. He's bruised and filthy and stinking and exposed, and yet somehow he can't stop smiling.

Vince kissed him back.

OK, so it was only a kiss. They'd been up to a bit more than that the night before. They'd kissed then hadn't they? Christ, he'd wanked Vince off, pretty successfully as it happened.

But no. This was something more. This was different. Last night was a bit of fun, an experiment. Although he was in no doubt that Vince had quite enjoyed it, he felt as if, just maybe, Vince had offered himself as a sort of thank you gift.

No, that kiss just then was in a whole other ball park. That was no 'thank you' kiss, oh no sir.

Howard was trying exceedingly hard not to jump a hundred steps ahead of himself here. It was only a kiss, albeit a fucking amazing kiss, but it was only a kiss.

He wonders what would happen if he kissed Vince again.

The sheriff had to admit it to himself, he was pretty scared. He'd never been in this situation before, never thought he'd get the opportunity. Was Monty right? Was this love at first sight? Love? Even the word sounded so exotic and foreign to Howard. Surely he was just besotted. Bedazzled by Vince, in awe of him even. Surely not love.

Then why did his heart feel in one breath as light as a feather and in the next as heavy as bullion? Why was Vince's voice on repeat in his head, not actual words, just the sound of his voice, a constant silvery tone, a melody at once both soothing and stimulating? And why could he not stop smiling?

Vince had kissed him back. Fully, honestly and completely, Vince had kissed him back!

_"What you smiling at Howard?"_

As if on cue Vince strolls back into the room, arms full of clothes and other apparel which he promptly drops onto the table top. He has changed out of the stripey pirate shirt and into a dark shimmering number that Howard thinks might be meant for a girl. None-the-less it looks great. Vince stands in front of the sheriff and puts his hands on his hips, a gesture Howard has grown especially fond of.

_"I'm smiling because of you Vince."_

_"Me?"_

_"Yeah, you."_

_"Anything in particular?"_

Vince is smiling too.

_"A man shouldn't give up his thoughts too easily Vince. Somethings private should remain so."_

Vince narrows his eyes and takes a step towards Howard.

_"But haven't I a right to know, if they're about me that is."_

_"No, not even then Vince."_

Vince goes to take another step forward, but then changes his mind. Instead he moves to the grab the water jug, a pot and a cloth from the sideboard. He puts these on the table top too, pours some water into the pot and soaks then wrings the cloth. He turns back.

_"Well whatever the thoughts Howard I'm glad they're making you smile."_

Howard grins wider and reaches for Vince's hand.

_"I've a lot to be smiling about."_

Vince untangles his hand from Howard's and instead reaches for the bottom of the sheriff's vest. He starts to lift it up and away from Howard's body, and in response Howard lifts his arms above his head. Vince pulls the item off revealing a large red bruise right in the centre of Howard's abdomen. There's another smaller yet more scarlet bruise across his right rib cage. Vince sucks in his breath at the sight.

_"Ouch Howard! Surely that's not something to smile about?"_

_"Yeah,"_ says Howard grimacing, _"Got me right with his pointy toe on that one."_

Vince turns his attention to the gash on Howard's head and gently dabs at it with the damp cloth. Howard winces again. Vince rinses the cloth two, three, four times, carefully and methodically washing away the worst of the blood.

_"You'll have to wash your hair properly Howard, but right now that should do."_

Vince rinses the cloth once more and lifts Howard's chin in a move very reminiscent of the one Howard put on him less than an hour ago. Vince smiles at the memory as he starts to wash the blood away from Howard's forehead.

_"What you smiling at Vince?"_

_"Just a memory Howard."_

_"Care to share?"_

_"Well I don't know sheriff, a man's thoughts and all that."_

Vince rinses the cloth again, taking the water in the pot to a darker shade of pink. He rubs at a spot above Howard's eyebrow and then to the side of Howard's eye. The sheriff closes them. Vince rinses again and cleans Howard's cheek and jaw. He stops as he nears Howard's mouth. Howard opens his eyes and looks up at Vince.

_"You know those thoughts I was having Vince?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Well I'm having them again."_

_"Are you Howard?"_

Vince slowly moves the wet cloth across to Howard's moustache. Although there is no blood here he makes a very delicate yet deliberate point of smoothing it. He runs the cloth downwards, every so softly, across Howard's lips. He's not looking Howard in the eye. He can't. He's suddenly feeling a little bashful. Timorous even. He continues running the cloth along Howard's lower lip. So gentle is he that he can barely feel the contact.

Howard, in contrast, cannot stop staring at Vince. He watches as a myriad of expressions cross the young cowboy's face. Worried lines across the flawless forehead, the tongue poking out in concentration, the look of concern in those huge blue eyes, the pinkish tinge of a blush spreading across those soaring cheekbones. As the cloth tickles at his lips he parts them slightly. He dares reaching out to place a hand on Vince's hipbone, and he hears Vince take a sharp intake of breath in response.

_"Vince?"_

Howard whispers his name so softly at first he thinks he's imagined it. He finally risks looking at the sheriff, the cloth still in his hand resting passive against the corner of Howard's mouth. He's met by those deep, brown eyes, and feels his chest tighten as he interprets the look of desire that lies in them.

Howard doesn't move. He's transfixed by Vince. He doesn't want to break the spell.

Vince lifts the cloth from Howard's face and lets it drop to the floor. Instead he puts his forefinger where the cloth was and runs that across Howard's lips, first the top and then along the bottom. Howard tightens his grip on Vince's hip, and closes his lips around the exploring finger. He puts his tongue against the tip of it and runs his top lip down it's nail.

Both men are suddenly still, immersed in each others gaze.

Vince removes his finger from Howard's mouth and slowly leans down towards him. He stops, his own mouth millimetres from the sheriff's. He can feel the warmth of Howard's breath against his skin.

Howard still doesn't move. His insides are on fire and he desperately, urgently wants to close that tiny gap and take Vince full force into a kiss, but he doesn't. He holds his nerve. Eyes still open, breath quickening, he waits.

Vince hovers a moment longer before planting the tiniest of kisses on Howard's parted lips. He kisses again and then, like the cloth and finger before, runs his own lips across Howard's. While Howard's eyes remain open, Vince's are tightly closed now as he savours the smooth yet feathery sensation. He takes Howard's face into his hands and kisses again, nibbling at Howard, his tongue edging out to moisten both their lips.

Howard's mind is screaming at him. 'Vince is kissing you! Vince is kissing you!'. Why just ten minutes ago he was happy Vince had kissed him back and now 'Vince is kissing me!'

No longer able to restrain himself Howard starts to return the kiss. He takes Vince's other hip and tugs lightly at them both, coaxing the younger man even further forward. As their knees knock together and their tongues corkscrew around each other, Vince parts his legs and straddles Howard's chair. Howard runs his hands from Vince's hips, across his waist and underneath his top, reaching all the way up the slender back.

Vince breaks this kiss and stands over Howard, eyes narrowed and darkly violaceous. He's panting, mouth partially agape, chest rising and falling rapidly. He reaches out and strokes the side of Howard's cheek with the backs of his fingers. He tucks a stray hair behind the sheriff's ear.

Howard, in turn, reaches up and does the same to Vince's cheek. He smiles and runs his hand up through Vince's hair and around to the back of his neck. He rubs the nape for a second or two before curling his fingers around the base of Vince's skull and guiding him back down into a kiss. As their lips meet again Howard continues to massage the back of Vince's head, gently pulling and coaxing Vince into a sitting position in his lap. Finally, face to face, heights the same, the kiss intensifies again, each man grabbing at the others face, fingers in hair, lips kissing lips and chins and cheeks and jawlines, tongues licking, swirling, lashing at each other, retreating and repeating. Vince stops for a second, but only to whip off his top, and as he crushes his mouth back against Howard's their individual silhouettes can no longer be defined. They melt into each other, grinding, panting, groaning and wanton, Vince's hair a bird's nest of thick dark silk as Howard continually tussles and grasps at it, chests and groins grinding together, low guttural sounds coming from both men.

Howard returns his hands to Vince's hips and pulls downwards on them, forcing Vince's crotch hard onto his own. The kiss breaks as both men cry out, Howard an inarticulate husky expletive, Vince a higher pitched but no less husky gasp. Following Howard's lead Vince pounds into Howard again, and keeps doing so as he dives back into the kiss. The moaning increases. Howard runs his hands up the inside of both of Vince's thighs, digging his thumbs in just enough to get Vince's attention, before moving swiftly to rub at Vince's now hardened member. It elicits such a heavy, heaving sigh from Vince that Howard almost climaxes right there and then. With his free hand he pulls to the side his own underpants which frees his own penis, and he begins rubbing himself. At the same time he finds the knot in the drawstring of Vince's trousers and loosens the waistband. He feeds his hand inside and clasps his fingers around Vince's shaft, dragging out of the young man yet another carnal rasp. He starts pumping which causes Vince to pause the kiss again. He places his forehead against the sheriff's and rests there, breathless and quivering. Howard stops fondling himself and instead reaches for Vince's hand. He guides it back down with him and closes Vince's fingers fully around his own slick cock. Keeping his hand over the top of the younger man's he encourages Vince to rub. Vince complies fully, and still forehead to forehead each man teases and jerks and strokes each other until Howard finally releases with an almost animalistic wail, bucking into Vince's hand and making the younger man follow suit with an erotic cry.

Vince drops his head into the crook of Howard's neck and wraps his arms around the sheriff. Howard responds by pulling Vince into a firm and encompassing embrace, thoroughly enjoying the feel of them pressed so tight together. Through their chests each can feel the others heart hammering away. Howard runs his fingers through the back of Vince's hair and kisses him softly on the top of his head. Vince turns his head upon Howard's shoulder and looks up. His hair is everywhere, his lips are bright red, his cheeks flushed and his eyes are a glassy electric blue. His voice when he finally speaks is croaky and dreamy.

_"All I said was for you to take your poncho off Howard." _


	13. Day 3 Part 5

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 3 Part 5**

Many minutes pass as the two men continue to hold each other tight. Howard still has his left arm wrapped as far around Vince as possible, and with his right he is gently stroking and massaging Vince's hair and scalp. The younger man is nestled into him, apparently dozing. Howard can feel his soft breaths against his neck. The sheriff's legs are starting to go numb, and his spine is complaining about the hard wooden back of the chair, but he doesn't want this to end. He closes his owns eyes, lays he cheek gently against the top of Vince's head, and falls into a peaceful doze himself.

_"Howard! Howard!"_

Howard stirs slightly. Someone, he thinks, is calling his name.

_"Howard, you in there? For goodness sake, you're going to make me climb these goddamn steps aren't you?"_

Howard opens his eyes. He is aware of a hollow 'thunking' noise. It seems to be coming nearer. Footsteps maybe?

_"Howard!"_

Outside the door?

_"Howard!"_

Suddenly Howard jolts fully awake at the exact same moment the door to the jailhouse is flung open and Monty steps in.

_"Howard, will you answer me when I…"_

Monty's words break off as he takes in the scene before him. He stands, resting heavily on his cane, mouth just about as wide as it will go.

Howard in response jumps up, throwing the sleeping Vince to the floor as he does so. Vince yelps as he makes contact with the ground arse first, and hisses a string of expletives as a sharp pain shoots right through his coccyx.

_"What the hell?"_

Vince realises Howard isn't looking at him and in following his gaze finds instead Monty's astounded expression.

_"Shit!"_

Vince raises himself off the floor and dusts himself down, readjusting his trousers in the process. He looks again at Howard who still hasn't moved, then back at Monty. He smiles cheekily and then shrugs at the aging actor.

Monty stares at him for a second longer before his face lights up with a warm smile. Vince sees Howard's shoulders relax.

_"I am really sorry to disturb you boys, and clearly I have disturbed you, but this is the jailhouse and I've some rather upsetting news to report."_

Monty turns to Howard.

_"News that urgently requires the attention of our sheriff."_

_"News?"_

Howard moves to stand behind the chair, putting something, anything between Monty and his exposed body.

_"Yes news. No point trying to hide yourself now Howard, I've seen quite enough already. Instead you need to get some clothes on and come with me." _

Monty looks back to Vince.

_"And you my boy! The sheriff's going to need his deputy on this one."_

_"What's happened Monty?"_

Montgomery, forever the actor, dramatically pauses until he's sure he's got both men's undivided attention, and then flamboyantly announces to the room.

_"Lance Parrot's been murdered!"_

Now it's Howard's turn to gape.

_"What?"_

_"Lance Parrot. He's dead Howard. A couple of kids found him by the railroad."_

_"Lance Parrot? Howard, is that the weasel whittling guy?"_

_"Yeah Vince. Shit!"_

Vince moves towards the table.

_"Here Howard. Get dressed yeah. I picked a few bits out for you. I'd better change too."_

Vince nods at Monty and moves into the back cell to sort out his appearance.

Monty rummages thought the items on the table top, and finding the trousers hands them to Howard who takes them with a thanks and starts getting dressed.

_"So how do you know it's murder Monty? Could he not have been hit by a train?"_

_"His thoat's been cut."_

_"Oh good god."_

Monty passes Howard socks and boots.

_"Does his wife know?"_

_"Someone's gone to get her. I came to get you."_

Howard walks to the table and picks up the shirt. Momentarily distracted he runs his thumbs over the embroidery. It has suddenly dawned on him just what outfit Vince has chosen. He smiles, then remembers where he is, and reconcentrates instead on dressing.

_"Anyone found the weapon?"_

_"I don't think so Howard."_

The sheriff grabs the gun-belt, running it around his waist, and tightening it. He slips on the suede jacket and attaches his sheriff's badge. He moves to the drawers of the desk, retrieves his gun and holsters it.

_"Howard?"_

Monty's looking at him, the corner of his mouth crinkled as if he's trying not to laugh.

_"Not now Monty, OK?"_

_"Did you and Vince, you know, …"_

_"I said not now Monty…"_

Howard tucks his hair behind his ears and pops the hat on his head. He looks at Monty from beneath the brim and smiles broadly.

_"…but the short answer is yes. Kind of."_

Monty smiles broadly back and rapidly claps his fingertips together.

_"Oh Howard that's fantastic."_

_"Shhh, keep it down."_

_"What? It's not like Vince thinks I don't know now is it."_

_"I just don't want to embarrass him."_

_"You sure it's not you who's embarrassed?"_

_"Monty please. This isn't the time."_

_"No I suppose not."_

Vince emerges again looking for all the world like he's just stepped out of a beauty parlour. His hair is restyled and he's wearing the the white stetson and matching jacket with a dark shirt. Howard and Monty's eyes widen as they take in his appearance, but it's Vince who looks the most in awe as he sees Howard. He walks across and strokes the collar of the Howard's shirt before standing on tiptoes and placing an affectionate kiss on his cheek.

_"You look very handsome sheriff."_

_"As do you Vince."_

Howard bends over to retrieve Vince's discarded shirt from the floor. He removes from it the deputy's badge which he clips instead to the lapel of Vince's blazer.

_"There. Perfection."_

_"Thanks Howard."_

_"When you two are quite finished there's a little thing of a murder to solve."_

Monty exits through the door mumbling something about Vince clearly not being embarrassed. Howard doesn't hear him though as he bends again, this time to whisper into Vince's ear.

_"Thank you for earlier little man, and I'm sorry I chucked you to the ground."_

Vince whispers back.

_"It's alright Howard. You didn't do it on purpose. We might need to start locking that door though right?"_

Howard starts to laugh but then stops suddenly.

_"Vince, you sure you're OK with this? We're about to go out there and deal with a dead body."_

_"And a grieving family. You said he had a lot of kids."_

_"Shit, yeah, he does."_

_"I can help Howard. I'll be fine. You'll be fine. Together we've got this yeah."_

_"Yeah Vince, we've got this. C'mon then, we'd best get over there."_

_x x x_

A small crowd has already gathered by the time Howard, Vince and Monty arrive at the scene. Howard backs them all up so he and Vince can make a private examination of the body. Lance's throat has indeed been cut, but there is nothing else about him that suggests more. No bruises or torn clothing. His gun is still holstered on his hip. Next to him lies a cloth bag which probably dropped to the ground as he did.

As Howard begins to look closer at the wound Vince pales slightly.

_"You alright deputy?"_

_"Yeah, I'm cool. Just close his eyes would you please."_

Howard gently pulls down the lids.

_"Well it's definitely a murder. Two people at least."_

_"How do you know that Howard?"_

_"Well I'd say one to distract him and one to cut him from behind. Look at all this blood. He was definitely killed here. He was probably talking to someone, maybe meeting up with someone. Nothing's stolen. He might have been led down here and then wham!"_

_"Wow. You got all that from this Howard? That's pretty impressive."_

_"It's been a while Vince, but I've had some practice in this kind of thing."_

Vince picks up the cloth bag and opens it. He pulls out a pair of trousers and a crinkled up shirt. Right at the bottom is a leather coin purse. There's no mistaking them.

_"Howard, these are yours."_

_"Poor bugger didn't even get a chance to take them home."_

_"Well it mustn't have been more than three hours ago that I saw him last Howard. If he came back to town as soon as I left him he must have met up with someone pretty much straight away."_

_"That or he came down here for another reason and ran into somebody."_

_"Someone he knew?"_

_"That doesn't narrow it down Vince, everybody knows everybody in this town."_

_"Oh yeah." _

Howard stands and addresses the onlookers.

_"Did anyone see anything at all? Did anyone see Lance alive within the last couple of hours?"_

There's lots of shaking of heads.

_"Does anyone know where Doctor Bamshoot is?"_

Lucien Hopkins steps forward.

_"Sheriff, he's gone with my wife to tell Mrs Parrot."_

_"Thanks Lucien, and who found the body?"_

A woman puts her hand aloft, a young boy attached to each of her legs.

_"It was my two Sheriff Moon. They sometimes walk this longer way home from the school house. When they came running to me yelling and shouting about a dead body I came to investigate and saw Mr Parrot here. I went up to the street and found Mr Flange talking to Dr Bamshoot. We came back down and I have been here ever since."_

Howard takes a step towards the boys who in turn take a step backwards from the big man. Vince puts his hand on Howard's arm.

_"It's alright Howard, let me yeah."_

Vince moves in front of Howard and puts his hand out to shake the woman's.

_"Hi. My name's Vince, Vince Noir, and I'm the new deputy sheriff."_

The woman takes his hand and smiles sweetly back.

_"Ruby Dalston and this here is Daniel and Albert. Pleasure to make your acquaintance Deputy."_

Vince drops to his knees in front of the children.

_"Hi there. Now which one of you is Albert?"_

A small hand is raised.

_"Well how do you do Albert. And that means you must be Daniel. I was hoping you could both do me a big favour. I'm new in town and don't know my way around anywhere. I don't know where anything is at all."_

Vince leans in a little closer and whispers, _"I don't even know where my own hat is!"_

The two boys giggle and point at Vince's hat.

_"It's on your head silly."_

_"Is it? So it is. Well I clear forgot. You boys are going to be a great help to me I can see. Would you mind helping me with something else?"_

Two pairs of huge brown eyes stare back at Vince, but they both nod.

_"Really? That's great. Would you show your Mother and me where the school house is and how you walked from it to here today? Do you think you can you do that for me?" _

Both boys nod again and start to lead their Mother away from the crowd. Vince stands and turns to Howard.

_"I'll walk them back to the school house and then home Howard. These boys don't need to see any more of this. I'll try and get them talking, find out if they know anything. Plus I'll keep my eyes peeled for any evidence on route."_

_"Sure Vince, that's great thanks. We'll have to get this body moved pretty soon, likely we'll take it to the doctor's house. His is the one next to the bank."_

_".'kay Howard."_

Vince winks covertly at the sheriff before turning on his heels and jogging to catch up with the Dalstons.

Howard turns back to the gatherers.

_"Well, there's no lying to you. You've all seen it. Lance here's been murdered."_

_"But by who Sheriff?"_

Lucien speaks up again.

_"Lance hung around with a bad lot, was a bit of a gambler and drinker, but he was no threat to anyone really."_

_"Well he must have upset someone and I guess it's my job to try and find out."_

The small crowd responds with furrowed brows and slightly confused muttering. Howard puts both his hands up to shush them.

_"I know, I know. I've not exactly been the best sheriff to you all."_

Monty walks up to him and shakes his head.

_"No Howard, that's just not true. You've been the best sheriff you could be under the circumstances."_

_"Not sure it was good enough though Monty."_

Lucien also moves towards him.

_"Montgomery's right Sheriff. We're all in support of you here, it's just we haven't seen you like this in a while."_

_"Yeah, well I realised it was time to start taking my job seriously again. I can't make you all any promises though. I can only do so much."_

_"We understand Sheriff, really we do. But at least you have some help now."_

Lucien nods his head in the direction Vince took with Mrs Dalston.

_"Deputy Noir seems like a good guy."_

Howard smiles.

_"He is yeah. A really good guy. And I hope you all will make him feel welcome here. Help him find his feet and that. He's a little…inexperienced."_

Monty suppresses a chuckle, but Lucien doesn't notice. Instead he puts his hand on Howard's shoulder and answers,

_"Of course, goes without saying."_

He gives the shoulder a friendly slap.

_"Good to see you back Sheriff."_

The small crowd nods and expresses agreement.

_"Thank you. I appreciate it. As I say I'll do my best, but we all know what I'm up against. In the case of poor Mr Parrot here I think the best thing to do now is to get his body up to Doctor Bamshoot's place. Would you be able to give me a hand with that?"_

Various people step forward.

_"Sure."_

_"Absolutely."_

_"I'll get my horse."_

Monty takes Howard's arm and pulls him off to one side. He smiles warmly.

_"See how well liked you are Sheriff?"_

Howard smiles modestly back.

_"You're a sweet guy Monty, but shut up yeah."_

_"I mean it Howard. Look at these people. They'd do anything for you. They don't expect you to change their world and they know how tough you've had it, but they still respect you. Please tell me you see that now."_

_"But they don't know the half of it do they Monty? And neither does Vince. Do you think they'd all still respect me then?"_

_"Howard, you've got to stop beating yourself up about the past. Move on, for god's sake move on, and make sure you take that beautiful young man with you."_

_"But if he knew though."_

_"You want my advice Howard, if you tell him I don't honestly think he'll care. I've seen the way he looks at you."_

_"What?"_

_"The way he looks at you Howard. Surely you've seen it too."_

Howard stares at Monty for a moment or two before turning away from him and walking back towards the body.

Monty shakes his head after him and says quietly to himself.

_"Oh Howard Moon, when will you allow yourself to find happiness again?"_


	14. Day 3 Part 6

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M to M+ depending on the chapter. It's not too bad really, but better safe than sorry.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 3 Part 6**

Having seen Mrs Dalston and her boys safely home Vince decides to make his way back along the railroad rather than via the main street. He figures Howard will be busy with the doctor and the body, and quite honestly he just needs a little time to himself.

Vince isn't one for long sessions of self-analysis. He survives on his instincts and lives life fairly spontaneously. It is difficult for him then to ponder over everything that has happened to him in the last 72 hours. No matter how many times he tells himself to just 'go with the flow' a part of him knows that it's not as simple as that. These feelings that are fizzing and popping inside of him are feelings he's never experienced before. He has no idea how to handle them really. He only knows that, for whatever reason, his body is telling him to get close to Howard. Even now as he ambles along the narrow footpath his desire to be next to the sheriff burns strong inside of him. Vince wonders if it's a manifestation of hero worship.

But then the memories flood back. Of the taste of Howard's mouth, of Howard's fingers weaving through his hair, of the scent of Howard's skin, of the sound of Howard gasping and shuddering beneath his touch.

Vince smiles and shakes his head.

No, the way Howard is affecting him is well more complicated than hero worship. And he knows that he is affecting Howard in the same way.

This wasn't altogether unusual. Vince is aware of his gift for attracting attention, and he'd been with older lovers before. But Howard didn't exactly fit with his usual type of admirer. For a start his lovers had always been women. In itself this wasn't bothering Vince. Yes, he was totally inexperienced in this area, but he was certainly finding being stimulated by another male enjoyable. He also found Howard's wavering between awkwardness and confidence very arousing, not to mention those intelligent brown eyes, those strong yet gentle hands, and a chest so broad he felt sure he could fully curl himself up upon it.

If anything is concerning Vince here it is more the fear of commitment. In some ways it was a little late to start questioning this as he's already let things go quite far. Still he can't help but worry that he is rushing into decisions. They barely know each other do they? He'd hardly come to town expecting to land a job and a suitor. He hadn't planned to come to town at all had he? And what about his mates? Soon Cam and Den would be wondering where the hell he'd got to. They were used to him disappearing on them from time to time, heck once they'd found him accidentally working in a hat shop, but more than three or four days was kind of pushing it. He'd have to find out about sending them a telegram and maybe getting his stuff sent on.

There, you see, he's doing it again. Making little plans about staying put. He re-shakes his head. Is Vince Noir actually ready for a relationship?

Mid thought Vince notices that the path has broadened, and looking up sees he's nearing the murder scene. He stops walking for a moment, taking a pause to refocus. These issues would have to wait. He has a responsibility to the town now to help catch a murderer. A responsibility to Mrs Parrot and to Howard. A responsibility to himself even, to prove that he has what it takes to be a lawman.

He kicks absent-mindedly at a loose stone and then immediately regrets that he might have scuffed his boot in doing so. As he bends forward to study his toe his catches sight of something glinting to the left of him. He squints and then moves towards it, stepping warily as if his subconscious already knows what it is before his consciousness catches up.

A knife.

Vince reaches to pick it up and then stops himself. He gets a vivid image race through his mind of a dark figure standing behind Lance Parrot, this knife in hand, slicing through soft skin.

He turns away from the object and dry heaves. He swallows down the bile and takes a couple of long, deep breaths.

He turns back.

It's quite an ordinary looking knife. Not particularly ornate, not particularly large, but it does look exceedingly sharp. Vince is grateful that the blade appears relatively clean and guesses that it's been wiped on a trouser leg or kerchief. 'That might be something to look out for,' he thinks to himself, 'someone with blood on their clothes.' He pulls from his pocket a pair of dress gloves that he's luckily stowed there earlier and carefully picks the knife up between the tips of his fingers. He just can't bear to touch it with his naked hands. It carries too much evil on it's hilt for a genial soul like Vince's.

The deputy removes a glove and places the knife inside of it, acknowledging that he can never wear these items again. He wraps the second glove around the first, and puts the whole thing back into his pocket. He then takes the time to scan the ground around him, checking for anything else that might have been dropped or any marks in the dirt. He continues walking, eyes sweeping from side to side across the path, trying to pick out anything that might be suspicious.

Nothing!

Still Vince had to hand it to himself, finding the knife was a brilliant turn up. Maybe Howard was right, maybe he was a bringer of good fortune. Although he doubted Lance Parrot would think so. Vince's mood immediately turns dour. On reflection, since he'd arrived, Howard had been beaten up, he'd been threatened and a man had been murdered. That could hardly be construed as fortuitous now could it?

Vince, deeply saddened by this last thought, quickly finds the path that leads back to the main street. The need to be with Howard swarms through him again, a sudden urgent need to feel appreciated and reassured and somewhat validated.

It's already like a part of him's lost without Howard by his side.

x x x

The sound of a bawling woman alerts Vince to the fact that he's correctly identified the Doctor's house. Mrs Parrot no doubt. He puts his hand on the handle and takes two deep breaths before opening the door.

The room he enters is a small parlor. Vince closes the door behind him and puts his back up against it not sure how to proceed. Eleanor Hopkins is seated on one side, her arm wrapped around the shoulders of the afore mentioned crying woman. Vince catches Eleanor's eye and smiles sympathetically. Eleanor smiles and nods in return. On the other side of the room Lucien Hopkins is talking quietly to a man Vince doesn't recognise. Lucien looks around.

_"Ah Deputy. Very good, very good. The Sheriff is out the back. He said for me to take you straight through."_

_"Thank you Mr Hopkins."_

Vince follows Lucien out of the room and along a small corridor to a closed door. Lucien knocks.

_"Who is it?"_

Howard's voice.

_"It's Lucien. I have Deputy Noir with me."_

The door flies open and Howard springs out. He reaches for Vince's wrist and drags the younger man into the room with great urgency and a hasty "_Thank you Lucien."_

He kicks the door shut and spins Vince around to face him.

_"Howard, easy, what's up?"_

Howard places a hand on each of Vince's shoulders and looks him straight in the eye.

_"Nothing's up Vince. Just glad to see you is all. Where on earth have you been?"_

_"I took Mrs Dalston home as I said and then went for a bit of a walk."_

_"Bit of a walk? Vince, a man's been murdered. It might not be safe."_

_"I'm OK aren't I? Besides don't you think Lance was killed for a specific reason?"_

_"Yeah, I suppose so. Sorry. I'm just a bit jumpy is all. This thing's got my head spinning around."_

_"It's alright Howard. It's sweet you worry."_

Vince stands on his tiptoes in order to plant a kiss on Howard's cheek, but in suddenly being able to see over Howard's shoulder realises that they are not alone in the room. Bent over a table, luckily with his back to the pair, is Doctor Bamshoot.

Vince quickly drops back down to his feet and mouths a 'sorry' to Howard. Howard raises an eyebrow and turns away from Vince.

_"Doctor. Let me introduce you to my new Deputy, Vince Noir."_

The Doctor raises his head and Vince sees that it's the body of Lance Parrot he's been leaning over. No surprise there really.

_"Yes, we've met briefly already. Hello again."_

_"Good afternoon Doctor Bamshoot."_

_"Excuse me for a moment longer won't you gentlemen. I've nearly finished my examinations."_

The Doctor returns to the body.

Vince grabs Howard's arm.

_"Can I talk to you? Somewhere private?"_

Howard frowns with curiosity.

_"Of course Vince. This way."_

The two men pass though a small utility room and yet another door that leads back outside. Vince tucks himself up against the wall and beckons Howard to do the same.

_"I don't know who to trust yet Howard so I thought I should only show this to you."_

Vince pulls from his pocket the bundle of gloves and carefully unwraps the knife. He holds it up.

_"I think I found the murder weapon Howard."_

Howard backs up a little in alarm, hands raised in astonishment.

_"Where the hell Vince?"_

_"Just down by the tracks, not far from where the body was found actually."_

_"And you picked it up?"_

_"Well yeah, I couldn't exactly leave it lying around now could I?"_

Howard reaches out and takes the implement gingerly between his thumb and forefinger. He holds it up to the light and studies it closely.

_"Well it's definitely sharp enough to do the job."_

_"That's what I thought."_

_"There's not much else to suggest the owner though is there?"_

_"Not really Howard. It's not new though is it? That hilt looks fairly worn."_

_"Sure is. Someone will miss this. We just need to figure out who."_

_"What you gonna do Howard?"_

_'Not sure exactly Vince. I've asked the Doctor to check Lance over fully, to make sure there's no other signs of injury. I'll talk to his wife when she's a little more repsonsive and see if she knows why someone might want to kill her husband. Other than that I guess I'll have to try and interview everyone in town."_

_"And the knife Howard?"_

_"Well there's no point stashing it away. I'll show it around a few people, see if anyone recognises it."_

Howard takes Vince's gloves and rewraps the blade.

_"Anything else Vince? Did you get anything more out of the Dalston boys?"_

_"No, not really. They were having a race, they stumbled across the body and then they ran home to fetch their mother."_

_"Where's Mr Dalston?"_

"Out of town for a couple more days. Works for the railroad as an engineer. She said he's in the next town over."

_"Yeah, that sounds genuine enough. Mr Dalston always struck me as a decent sort. Well then, let's get back inside and see what the Doctor has found."_

As they turn to go back in the Doctor unexpectedly appears at the door, wiping his hands.

_"Sorry gentlemen but there's nothing to add I'm afraid. Lance Parrot was killed by a knife slicing through his throat and nothing else. Other than the odd minor cut and bruise there's nothing to suggest he's been beaten or bound or anything such thing. If there's any consolation in this I'd say he died very quickly, probably before he even realised what was happening."_

_"Thanks Doctor."_

_"What about Mrs Parrot?_" Vince's eyes widen with concern, "_She seems very distressed."_

_"Yes, I'll go to. Maybe give her a drop of luadanum to help calm her. You happy for her to see her husband now Sheriff?"_

_"Yes of course Doctor."_

_"Well I'll bid you good day then gentlemen. I believe I've Corky Hamilton waiting outside too. Ready to measure Lance up I should imagine."_

The Doctor returns back inside.

_"Corky Hamilton?"_

_"Town carpenter Vince. He makes all the coffins, not that there's a regular demand for them."_

_"Of course."_

The two men are quiet for a moment. When they both look back at each other it's uncannily at the same time.

Vince smiles.

_"So what now then?"_

Howard smiles back.

_"Well I don't believe we've had a meal yet today have we?"_

_"How can you think of food at a time like this?"_

_"A man can't work on an empty stomach Vince. Besides I really want to get home and finish cleaning myself up."_

_"You reckon you might need some help with that again Howard?" _

Howard laughs.

_"I reckon I'm going to need to scrub my mind what with all the dirty images you're putting in there."_

_"I can't stop thinking of that too. I mean it's not like I want to, well not right now when we're trying to be very serious and all."_

Howard nods in agreement.

_"You're right Vince. We've got to stay focused and we've got to be more careful. We can trust Monty but I don't want word to get out."_

_"Yeah Howard."_

They look fondly at each other again still smiling.

_"What goes on behind closed doors is nobody's business though is it Vince?"_

_"Closed and locked doors?"_

_"Yeah, locked is probably a good idea."_

_"Well then no Howard, that's nobody's business but ours."_

They hold each others gaze a moment longer before Howard suddenly darts very quickly around the corner of the building with Vince in hot pursuit.

.

.


	15. Day 3 Part 7

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M+ this chapter. There's some sexy times ahead so be warned - not extreme but still.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

**Extra: **Quick thanks to peeps still reading this. I really appreciate it folks. Day 3's going on a bit isn't it? I'm sure we'll get to day 4 soon. x

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 3 Part 7**

_"Howard, stop a sec. Come help me with this."_

Howard pulls up just before he rounds the last corner. He turns to look back at Vince who's standing pointing at a large metal tub leaning up against the back of the jailhouse wall.

_"Seriously Vince?"_

_"Look, you're filthy and I'm not getting any cleaner what with, well, you know, sex and murder and all."_

Howard hushes him.

_"Vince."_

_"C'mon Howard. You'll love it. Think how good you'll feel after."_

_"But it's going to take ages to fill it."_

_"It'll be worth it though."_

Howard stands still for a moment, staring at Vince. Eventually though he smiles and moves towards the tub. He lifts it above his head in one fluid motion. Vince looks impressed.

_"I got this Vince. You'd better get some water then. There's a pail or two out here. I'll get the stove on. I'll start us some food too."_

_"Nice one."_

It must have taken over an hour to heat the amount of water required, but as Howard stands in front of the large metal tub now, naked under his cloak, he knows in one short step he's going to feel utterly content.

_"You sure you don't want to hop in first Vince?"_

Vince is standing by the stove, another large pan on the boil.

_"As tempting as that sounds Howard this is all yours."_

Howard puts one foot into the water. The warmth of it travels up his leg. He lifts the bottom of his cloak and steps in with his other foot. He turns to face Vince, the steam rising to surround him. He starts to lift the cloak higher but then hesitates as he realises that Vince has moved and is now sitting on the top end of the sofa. His arms are crossed and he's staring at him with a cute, lopsided grin on his face.

Howard hugs himself.

_"Turn around then."_

Vince grins wider.

_"No way"_

Howard shifts a little uncomfortably under Vince's gaze. The water laps at the side of the tub.

_"Vince please."_

_"I said no way! I've worked hard for this, collecting water back and forth, clearing the furniture away to make room. And anyway you're one to talk the amount of times I've caught you looking at me."_

_"I said I was sorry about that."_

_"Yeah, you did. But I'm still not turning around."_

_"Vince…"_

_"Look Howard, do you remember when I first met you and you told me never to touch you."_

_"Yeah."_

Howard pulls the cloak tighter around himself.

_"Well you touched me first remember, and then I touched you. We've really touched each other now and it's good isn't it."_

_"Yeah. I guess."_

_"So you were wrong to not want me to touch you."_

_"Vince, I know, but…"_

_"It's alright Howard. I'm not trying to trip you up. What I'm trying to say is what if we go that route again."_

_"Hmm?"_

_"Well you don't want me to look at you, so how about you look at me first, then I look at you, and then, well, it'll all be good too."_

_"I'm not sure if I understand what you're…oh…"_

Vince is already up from the arm of the sofa and undoing the buttons on his shirt. Not that there are many to undo being that Vince has a habit of only buttoning a couple anyway.

His shirt falls open.

_"God you're beautiful,"_

It is Vince's turn to hesitate.

_"What?"_

_"You're beautiful Vince. You can stand there and do that because you're beautiful. I can't do that. What am I?"_

Howard looks down at himself,

_"I can't offer you that. I'm just an ageing old gunslinger, way past my prime. You don't want to look at me. But you Vince, you're like a work of goddamn art. Look at you! You've got skin like fuckin' silk and a body that looks brand new, and eyes like…_

_"Howard, stop it!"_

_"..eyes like.."_

_"Please stop it. Howard, you can't mean that."_

_"Of course I mean it."_

_"Howard, I've been called a lot of things in my time, but beautiful just ain't one of them."_

_"Have you looked in a mirror lately?"_

_"Yeah, of course. All the bloody time, trying my damnest to do something amazing with this shambles of a body of mine. I know I dress well Howard. I like my hair. I really like my hair, but that's it really. Look at me properly. I'm bony and pale. There's nothing of me, not like you. You've got muscles Howard. You're tall and strong and bronzed. And my stupid face. What's going on there? Too much that's what! But your face is kind and welcoming. Your eyes are warm and intelligent. I think mine just scare people."_

_"Your eyes don't scare people Vince, they dazzle people. They're incredible. Mine! Well where are mine? When I haven't shaved it's hard to tell one side of my head from the other. And as for muscles I don't think so. I've a pot belly if that's what you mean. My legs are ok, I don't mind my legs but as to what is resting on top of them the less said the better."_

Both men stop talking. They stare, as has become their way, directly into each others eyes. Grins start to appear in the corners of their mouths and suddenly both of them are laughing heartily.

_"Should we just agree to disagree then that we're both gorgeous?"_

Vince refastens the two centre buttons on his shirt still laughing.

_"Yeah I guess. Let's just agree to that. Now for goodness sake get your kit off and sit down before the water goes cold."_

Vince turns around, his back to the sheriff.

Howard quickly unties the cloak and lowers himself into the water, sighing as he does so. He lies back, submerging as much of himself as he can. The tub is big, but Howard is too.

_"Can I turn around now?"_

_"Sure Vince. Thanks for that. It's just, you know.."_

_"Yeah, I know. Still, I'm going to have to see a bit if you want the water topped up."_

_"That's ok. That's fine actually. I feel more comfortable about it now I'm actually in."_

_"That makes no sense Howard."_

_"I think maybe it's that I'm less on display."_

Vince walks towards him with the pot in his hands.

_"I wasn't lying though Howard. You've really nothing to be ashamed of."_

Howard opens one eye and smiles at him.

_"And neither have you Vince."_

Vince pours the hot water into the bath taking care not to hit Howard directly with any.

_"That ok? It's not burning you is it?"_

_"No that's lovely."_

Howard settles even further back.

Vince places the pot on the floor and sits down next to the side of the bath. He crosses both his arms along the edge of it and pillows his head on them.

_"You look tired little man."_

Howard takes his arm out of the water and places it around Vince's shoulders. He gently strokes Vince's hair.

Vince closes his eyes, enjoying the sensation.

_"I am a bit Howard. It's been a pretty full on day."_

_"Yep, sure has."_

Vince opens his eyes again.

_"Howard, can I ask you a question?"_

_"Of course you can?"_

_"Do you think Bainbridge has something to do with Lance Parrot's death?"_

Howard takes a deep breathe.

_'I don't doubt it Vince. I know I shouldn't jump to that conclusion, but who else could it be?"_

_"He wouldn't have done it himself though would he?"_

_"No. Definitely not."_

_"I wonder what it's all about?"_

_"Money probably. Money or betrayal. I don't know exactly, but it's my opportunity Vince. If I can prove he had something to do with Lance's murder, or even if I can finally charge some of those men of his, well that'll be a happy day."_

Vince closes his eyes. He breathes out in a satisfied fashion and allows himself to fully enjoy the pleasure given by Howard stroking his hair. He's never allowed anyone to show his bonce this much attention before. He thinks there's probably something in that fact, something quite significant.

_"Vince I need to tell you something."_

Vince murmurs a '_mmm_' in return. He feels so perfectly sleepy and he doesn't want Howard to stop massaging his head. He knows that scrunched up on the floor leaning over a metal bath and lying on your own arms is less than the ideal way to take a kip, but for now he can't imagine a more perfect place. He feels so content.

_"Vince."_

Vince manages a _"yeah?"_

Howard stops stroking his head and instead shakes him lightly on the shoulder.

_"I'm sorry Vince but I have to tell you."_

Vince opens one eye and focuses blearily on Howard. Seeing the anguish in Howard's face he forces open the second.

_"Howard, what is it?"_

It hits him that Howard looks more than just anguished. He looks downright petrified. Vince sits up in sudden concern.

_"Howard?"_

He reaches out to put a hand against Howard's face but the sheriff turns away from him. Vince is left hanging for a moment before he decides to lay his hand on Howard's arm instead.

_"What's going on?"_

Still turned away Howard starts speaking. His voice is flat in tone, a sign that Vince now knows means he's about to say something serious or difficult. The young man mentally prepares himself.

_"Me and you Vince. Have we got something here?"_

Vince takes a deep breath.

_"Um, I think maybe, yeah..'"_

_"If we analyse it too much it might not work anymore though. We might fuck it up."_

Vince frowns.

_"Well let's not analyse it then."_

_"But I need to tell you something and that might mean analysing it a bit, and if we analyse it I think I might scare you off."_

_"Do you actually believe that Howard?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Oh, ok."_

Vince pats Howard on the arm and goes to stand, but Howard quickly turns back and grabs his wrist.

_"Please Vince hear me out."_

_"I was just going to get you some more water."_

_"Please."_

Howard loosens his grip on Vince's wrist and cups his cheek instead.

_"I haven't exactly told you everything Vince."_

Vince nods and puts his hand on top of Howard's. He kisses Howard's palm lightly.

_"You know nothing you tell me is going to change anything right?"_

Howard softly rubs the spot where Vince's side-burn meets his hairline.

_"I dunno Vince. It might change something. I think you've a right to know everything though."_

_"Have I? Look, you don't have to keep glaring backwards all the time and worrying about everything I may or may not think. You can relax with me you know."_

_"But still I feel I should tell you everything."_

_"Howard, I really like you. Nothing you tell me will change that, but please don't tell me anything if you don't want to. You don't have to keep torturing yourself this way. We can just have fun can't we?"_

_"That's just it Vince. I don't think I can have fun until you know the whole story. Maybe then, once I know that you have all the facts, maybe then I can relax too."_

_"So you do want to analyse this."_

_"I don't but I do. I'm scared of telling you stuff and I'm scared of not telling you stuff."_

Vince kisses Howard's hand once more and pushes himself up onto his knees.

_"Sleep with me."_

Howard's features show utter confusion.

_"Excuse me? What? How do ya mean?"_

Vince leans in closer to Howard's face.

_"You want to tell me this thing that's so big and awful that you think it might change us. Well I want to curl up next to you while you tell me, so sleep with me tonight."_

_"Where?"_

Howard falters slightly.

_"What do you mean where?"_

_"Well the beds are small."_

_"We'll be fine."_

_"But why?"_

_"Howard, stop questioning everything. I want you to hold me. Is that so difficult to understand? I want to be in your arms when you tell me this big, bad thing. I want you to see that I'm not going to run away or judge you or get upset."_

_"You might judge me."_

_"Right, that's it."_

Vince leans over and grabs Howard's head firmly. He launches his lips onto the sheriff's, kissing roughly and urgently, forcing his tongue into Howard's mouth.

Howard startles at first but then he grabs Vince back. Their teeth clash together but he doesn't care. They guzzle each other greedily, the water sloshing and spilling over the side of the bath as they frantically devour each other. With a brutish strength Howard suddenly yanks Vince forward and half onto him. Vince mentally curses as he feels the water soak through his shirt and part of his trousers, but he tries to ignore it. Instead he focuses back on Howard who is sucking the life out of his tongue.

The sheriff is thinking about Vince's clothes too, but not for the same reasons. He just wants to feel skin and hurriedly searches Vince's chest area for the buttons. It's awkward as Vince is lying on top of him and he just can't seem to maneuver his fingers properly underneath. "Oh fuck it" he says suddenly before grabbing a piece of the shirt between each fist and pulling forcefully. The buttons pop off.

_"Howard!" _

_"I don't care."_

_"But Howard, I like this shirt."_

_"Shut up Vince."_

Howard grabs Vince's head and pulls him into another breath-stealing kiss before the young man can argue more. With his free hand he works the shirt off of Vince's arms and flings it across the room. He runs his hands down Vince's back and begins to massage and squeeze the soft flesh. He works one hand around to the front of Vince's trousers and tugs at the fastening. Vince gasps against him.

_"Take them off!"_

Howard stops kissing Vince and bites gently at his neck instead. Vince gasps again.

_"I said take them off."_

Vince pushes himself away and stands up shakily. He clutches at the front of his trousers ready to wrench them down.

_"Slower!"_

Vince hesitates, catches his breath and then slowly starts to undo the drawstring.

_"No wait."_

Vince stops as Howard lays back and submerges himself fully under the water. He watches as Howard rubs his hair and face, washing away some of the day's grime, before reemerging dripping and glistening. Howard's wet lashes highlight the sparkle in his deep brown eyes. Vince swallows.

_"I'm ready, now take them off."_

_"Hmm?"_

Vince is more than a little distracted, especially as Howard has grasped hold of himself and is moving his fist slowly up and down his own length.

"_I said strip."_

Vince returns his attention to his trousers and using both his hands coaxes the drawstring undone. He pushes the trousers down but stops at the precise point where his V lines disappear into the dark mass of his pubic hair.

Howard speeds up his pace.

Vince continues to lower his pants, bending with them as they fall softly around his ankles. He kicks them away and then slowly straightens back up, putting his hands on his hips as he does so. He's never felt at the same time both so exposed and yet so lusted after. He stands there, like an pale Adonis, nothing moving save for the rise and fall of his chest and the twitching of his own penis as he savours the sight of Howard touching himself because of him.

Howard's eyes have widened significantly, quite a feat considering their dimensions.

_"Come here."_

Vince moves towards the tub. He kneels down and meets Howard's lips with his own, the kiss this time slower. Howard kisses him back but as his breathe becomes more jagged he has to pull away. Vince licks upwards towards his ear and whispers into it,

_"Would you like some help?"_

Howard nods and moves his hand out of the way allowing Vince to grasp his cock. He shudders. He's already so close from his own ministrations it takes but a few strokes from Vince, along with the fact the Vince is nibbling at his ear, for Howard to spasm hard and climax.

Vince trails back to Howard's mouth and the two men share a long, deep kiss before Howard breaks free.

He grabs Vince's face between his hands and stares directly into the blue whirlpools.

_"Your turn little man," _

he growls sexily.

Vince trembles slightly under his touch.

_"Howard, you don't have to if you don't want to."_

Howard holds his face for a few seconds more before suddenly rising up out of the bath, water cascading off of him and onto the floor around the tub. He steps out and grabs Vince in a full body clinch, kissing and embracing as much of Vince as he can, before lifting the smaller man off of his feet and throwing him passionately onto the couch.

_"I said your turn."_

_._

_._


	16. Day 3 Part 8

_**Moonstone Cowboy**_

**Rated: **M+ this chapter I think. It's hard to rate other peoples imaginations.

**Disclaimer: **The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

**Extra: **Sorry if this is more annoying than anything. It's just a wee experiment. Some advice - it's basically panting so think soft h's - now breathe in hhuh and out hhah - soft j's - jjjjj - that kind of thing. I find it easier if I read it aloud. (My neighbours must think I'm having a grand old time in here). If not just skip past it. The actual story is on here too. For me that's a little more interesting so I won't be offended. I was just trying to write a sex scene without writing a sex scene. x

* * *

**Moonstone Cowboy**

**Day 3 Part 8**

Howard dives on top of him.

_"..umphh.."_

_"…honestly Howard you don't have…"_

"_…Howard!.._"

"_…Oheurrghhfuck!…_"

"_…sheee.._"

"_uhh..uhh..hhuuhhaahhuuhhaahhuuhhaahhuu…kay.._"

"_nnnnn..hhuhhahhuhhahhuhha..canhacanhuu..hagodhuuha..Howardhhuhhahhuh..hashithhuuhha..Howardhhuuha…_"

"_ohchrist…ohha…hhuuhaahhuuhhahhowardha..i'mgonnahhahuu…hhahujhahuhajjjhh..shhihahhh..gonnahh.. …fuckhhuuuhhaaa…_"

"_…eeeryggghuh ah uh ah uh ah uh-Ah-uh-Ah-uh-Ahh.._"

"_…uh-haaaaaa-uhh-hhhhhaaaa-hhhhhhuuuuuu-haa-ennnn.._"

"_haaaaahhh…..uhhhhhhh….haaaaaaahhhh…_"

"_huuuhhhh…hhhhahh…huhh..haa…Howard…hah..come here..._"

".._hah..mmmmm..hhah…Howard..hhh..please come here..hhahhh.._"

Howard kisses his way up Vince's stomach and chest before placing the softest of kisses on Vince's cheek. He then flops heavily onto his back, wrapping his arm behind Vince's neck as he does so and pulling the younger man into a strong embrace against him. Vince, still short of breath, kisses Howard's shoulder before snuggling into it and closing his eyes. Howard entwines his fingers through Vince's hair and pushes his nose into it breathing Vince in.

"_You are always new_."

_"Umm? What's that?"_

_"You are always new. The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest; the last smile the brightest; the last movement the gracefullest."_

_"Did you write that Howard?"_

_"No, John Keats did."_

_"It's beautiful."_

_"Seems fitting."_

_"Go on then."_

_"What?"_

_"Recite some more."_

_"I can't remember it properly. It was a letter I think. This bit's my favourite though.._"

Howard clears his throat.

"_My mind has been the most discontented and restless one that ever was put into a body too small for it. I never felt my mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment, upon no person but you. When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out of window. You always concentrate my whole senses._"

Vince nestles further into Howard.

_"That's well lovely."_

_"It's true though Vince, those words. It's how I feel about you."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah, and that's why I need to tell you that thing now."_

Vince opens his eyes and raises himself up enough to look directly into Howard's.

_"I actually want you to tell me now Howard."_

Howard cocks one eyebrow.

_"Vince, this isn't a joke."_

_"Damn right this isn't a joke!" Look, I'm here, I'm really here. I'm lying naked and spent in your arms. If you don't tell me now then I'm…_

_"I used to be a whore."_

_"..gonna get up and…what?"_

Howard sighs deeply.

_"I used to be a whore Vince, a pinchcock, a rich man's dock."_

"_When?"_

Howard sighs again.

_"Years ago Vince, when I was a just a kid really. I was born in England you see, in a town called Leeds. My father was a cloth merchant but I always wanted a better life for myself than that. I heard so many stories about America from the men my father would buy and sell to. It sounded so exotic, so exciting."_

_"I've always thought London sounded exciting. I'd love to go there."_

_"London never really interested me to be honest, but America! Well as soon as I was old enough I packed a bag, said goodbye to my family and talked myself onto a canal boat heading south to Liverpool. I soon found myself wandering the port. I didn't know what I was doing. I just thought I'd be able to find a ship and get a position on it. I didn't care what I did, deck hand, cook's scivvy, anything Vince. I just wanted to go the The New World. But what I found instead was gangs and whores and rich and poor living side-by-side."_

_"So you were just walking around on your own?"_

_"Yeah, so stupid now when I think of it. Eventually I came across a pub that looked safe enough. I went in and asked if anyone knew of any ship's sailing to America. Some bloke came over and offered me a beer. He got me some food, was really friendly. I didn't think anything of it. He said he could give me a bed for the night and I followed him. Stupid, naive, innocent me."_

_"Were there others?"_

_"Yeah, a whole house of us. Maybe ten or twelve."_

_"All boys?"_

_"Yep."_

_"Shit!"_

_"I know."_

_"How long were you there for?"_

_"I dunno Vince. A couple of years, maybe a bit less. It's all quite a blur to be honest."_

_"But who, you know, who did you…?"_

_"Anyone who asked for it, but we had regulars. Some where really nice actually. They'd feed me, let me take a bath, mend my clothes. Others weren't quite so amiable."_

Howard points to his shoulder area and a patch of scarring.

_"I had noticed that Howard but I didn't want to ask."_

_"It's a burn Vince. One got a bit mad at me when I answered him back. Chucked a scalding pot of broth at me and then made me eat it off the floor."_

_"Oh Howard."_

_"There was this one guy though. Thank the lord for this one guy. He told me his name was Stephen but I always thought that was an alias. Anyway I had an appointment with him the day after the the broth incident and so he saw my burns. He got things in motion straight away. I'd always told him about my dreams to go to America and do you know what he did? He made it happen. I still don't know to this day how or why he did it Vince, but that very night I found myself in new clothes with a new identity bound for the New World on a ship laden with god only knows what."_

_"And eventually to Moonstone?"_

_"Yeah, Moonstone the long way around, via Boston at first. I kinda fell back into the whoring for a bit there, just to make some easy money, but then I realised that America was not England. I could be whoever I wanted to be here. I spent my money on a gun, practiced shooting it day and night. I learnt how to ride a horse. I hitched rides, and eventually began offering my services as protection to convoys heading west. I was big and strong and folks seemed to trust me. One day I met Tommy who was coming out here to set up a town as Sheriff. He saw some potential in me, or some such thing, and that was that."_

_"Wow, you've done a lot."_

_"Sure have."_

_"I must seem so boring to you."_

_"What? No! Of course not. You've brought me back to life Vince is what you've done. For years I've been trapped in my own self-loathing. You've opened my eyes again."_

_"I can hardly tell."_

_"Oi!"_

Howard pokes Vince in the ribs. They fall silent for a bit. Vince settles back down against Howard's chest.

_"So you're not bothered then Vince?"_

_"I don't think so Howard. It was ages ago wasn't it. I'm hardly gonna hold that against you."_

Howard strokes Vince's hair again.

_"I appreciate your acceptance Vince, but it doesn't quite end there."_

Vince turns his head to look up at the sheriff through his dark lashes. Howard feels a lump form in the back of his throat as he struggles to meet the gaze.

_"What else?"_

Howard looks away.

_"Well the last time it happened wasn't quite that long ago."_

_"How long's not that long?"_

_"About two years."_

Vince tries not to react. Instead he pushes his face harder against Howard's chest, listening to the sheriff's heartbeat banging out a rapid rhythm that echoes through his ear canal.

Howard's waiting for a reaction. He feels Vince move slightly against him, but then nothing. He continues,

_"Give or take six months."_

Howard looks down at the top of Vince's head, wishing for all the world he could read the younger man's thoughts right now. Then again if he did, and he didn't like what he heard, then he'd only have himself to blame.

_"It's alright Howard, go on."_

Howard jumps slightly, surprised by Vince's sudden words rumbling through him. Instead of continuing though he pushes himself out from underneath Vince and spins into a seated position. He puts his head in his hands. Vince sits upright too and moves in close beside Howard. He wraps his arms as best he can around the big man's shoulders and rests his cheek against his back.

_"I'm still here lawman. I'm not going anywhere."_

Howard leans towards Vince allowing himself to be pulled into a hug. It's his turn to rest his head against Vince's chest. Vince embraces Howard's head tight to him and kisses the top of it tenderly. He rocks Howard gently back and forth, trying to offer comfort as best he knows how. He whispers into those wispy curls,

_"I'm here Howard."_

Vince reaches behind him and grabs a throw from the back of the couch. He pulls it around his own left shoulder and wraps the rest of it around the both of them. He continues to hold the sheriff this way, waiting patiently for Howard's courage to return.

Howard feels numb. He knows it's ridiculous to have come this far and then stop so suddenly, but this is it, the last great reveal. He cannot believe how much he has already confided in this man, this man whose arms he now lies enclosed within, emotionally and literally naked. He closes his eyes and takes the time to enjoy the feeling of being held. It's been so long for him, so very long.

Eventually Howard raises his head from Vince's chest and turns to face him. Vince's eyes widen in expectation and unadulterated compassion. Howard sighs and shakes his head in disbelief. 'He really is still here' he thinks to himself.

Howard leans forward and plants a kiss on Vince lips. He then rises from the couch, retrieves his trousers from the floor and slips them on. Vince wraps the throw tighter around himself, still quiet, still patient, watching Howard's every move with that quizzical look on his face.

Howard glances at him and offers a weak smile. Vince smiles back.

_"Do you want your pants?"_

_"I'm not going anywhere Howard."_

Howard bends down and picks them off the floor. He turns and offers them to Vince.

_"Still, you might feel more comfortable."_

Vince thinks about slapping Howard's hand away. He is starting to feel frustrated with the waiting. Instead though he takes the offered trousers and places them next to him on the couch.

_"Thanks Howard but they're still wet."_

_"Yeah, sorry about that."_

_"It's ok. It was worth it."_

Howard stands awkwardly looking Vince in the eye for a second or two before turning away.

_"I could make us some more food."_

_"Not hungry."_

_"A drink then. I could go get us another bottle."_

_"I'm fine Howard."_

Howard points to the metal tub.

_"Might see about getting this shifted though. Bit of a nuisance isn't it really."_

_"It can wait."_

_"Still, would be easier to move around without it here wouldn't it."_

_"Howard."_

_"We're going to have to empty a bit out first though. It's way too heavy to lift as it is."_

_"Howard!"_

_"Shame I haven't got any flowers or anything to tip it out on. Seems a bit of a waste to just ditch it onto the dirt."_

_"Howard!"_

Howard finally looks back at Vince.

_"I'm sorry little man."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because I've dragged you into this mess."_

_"It's not a mess from where I'm sitting Howard."_

_"What? Of course it is. Murder and prostitution and secrets."_

_"Well it's a bit of a mess then, but that's not what I'm interested in right now."_

_"I want to tell you, really I do."_

_"Then do."_

_"But you might…"_

_"I won't."_

_"But you might."_

_"Oh for gods sake Howard."_

Vince stands abruptly, the throw falling away from his body. He points at the sheriff,

_"Howard just tell me already."_

Howard is momentarily stunned by the sight of a fractionally angry, slim, pale, naked man shaking a finger at him. Stunned that is until the force of Vince's beauty jolts him back awake. In one stride he is again in front of Vince, hands clasped to either side of the young man's face, kissing him with a new found vigour.

It's Vince's turn to be stunned, but he kisses back just as eagerly, allowing Howard to suck every ounce of anger out of his body. As he feels the last drop of it leave him he pulls backwards.

_"Please Howard."_

Howard opens his eyes, his lips still pursed. He relaxes them.

_"Do you still want to sleep with me tonight Vince?"_

_"Yes."_

There's no hesitation.

Howard takes a breath.

_"About two years ago I…"_

Howard stops and cocks his head.

_"You what..?"_

_"Can you hear that Vince?"_

_"What did you do Howard?"_

_"Ssshhhhh!"_

_"What?"_

_"That!"_

Howard spins suddenly away from Vince and moves quickly toward the door, successfully navigating the metal tub as he does so. "_Sshh_" he hisses again and he puts his ear up against it.

Vince grabs his still damp pants and tugs them on as quick as he can. He can hear it now too, voices, and quite a few of them by the sounds of it.

_"Is that coming closer Howard?"_

_"I think so. Vince quick, chuck me my shirt will ya."_

Vince does so in one graceful movement at the same time collecting up his own. He puts his arms through the holes before remembering it is now buttonless. "_Shit_" he mumbles before whipping it back off and running out toward the bedroom area.

Howard finishes buttoning his and steps across to the window. Looking out he can't see anything clearly, the sun having already set and hour before, but he can definitely hear the sound of voices approaching.

_"Vince, what you doing?"_

_"Trying to find a shirt."_

_"Hurry up."_

_"Alright, it's your fault I've not got one isn't it."_

The voices are nearer now and Howard can make out the odd word.

_"..obvious.."_

_"..i don't think.."_

_"..no-one else.."_

Nearer and nearer. He risks a look through the window again and can make out a small mass of bodies in the gloom. They are making their way purposefully towards the office. Howard ducks out of sight but as quick as a flash there's a pounding on the wood.

_"Moon, open this door!"_

Howard pauses briefly before replying.

_"What do you want Bainbridge?"_

As Howard responds Vince reenters the room, fully dressed in clean trousers, shirt and a new poncho. His deputy's badge is pinned to his breast. He mouths a "_what's happening?_" to the sheriff but gets a shrug as an answer.

_"Moon, open this door now or by golly I'll break the fucker down."_

_"Now why the hell would I want to talk to you Bainbridge?"_

_"Howard, it's Monty. I'm sorry, but we do need to talk to you."_

_"Monty?"_

_"There's a few of us here Howard. Can you come out for a bit and chat to us please."_

Howard pauses, not sure how to answer his friend. He looks as Vince who simply nods at him.

_"OK, I'll come out, but just cool your engines OK Bainbridge."_

Howard tucks his shirt into the waistband of his trousers and fastens his gunbelt around his hips, checking as he does so that there's bullets in his gun. He pulls on his boots and straightens his badge before turning to the door.

_"Howard, should I come too?"_

_"Not for the minute little man. Let me find out what's going on first."_

Vince nervously bites at his bottom lip.

_"OK, but be careful alright."_

_"It's fine. Monty's out there, and I think I saw Chalky and Doctor Bamshoot too."_

_"Alright, but I'm just here yeah."_

_"I know, you're not going anywhere!"_

The two men share a smile before Howard ducks out of the room. Vince goes to the door and puts his ear up against it in order to hear what's going on.

Howard squints at each member of the group in turn and nods a hello at all of them before finally giving Dixon Bainbridge his full attention.

_"Now then, what seems to be the trouble?"_

Bainbridge growls in response.

_"Where's that stable boy of yours Sheriff?"_

On the other side of the door Vince frowns at the obvious reference to himself.

_"If you mean Deputy Noir well then he's inside. Why?"_

_"Because he killed Lance Parrot."_

Vince does more than just frown at that. He feels his knees buckle slightly.

Howard too feels like he's just received a blow to the stomach.

_"What the hell are you talking about Bainbridge?"_

_"Well who else could it have been Moon? You tell me the kid turns up in town penniless and without work. He probably killed Lance for money."_

Howard looks at the others.

_"Monty, surely you don't believe this crap do you."_

_"Of course not Howard, but there are maybe one or two questions we need to ask the lad."_

_"Like what for pities sake?"_

Doctor Bamshoot steps towards Howard.

_"Like why he took so long coming back to my house after leaving you at the murder scene this morning."_

_"You know why. He was escorting Mrs Dalston home."_

_"But we've spoken to her Sheriff and he didn't stay there that long."_

_"And he did go to the cemetery this morning didn't he."_

It was Lucien Hopkin's turn to speak up.

_"Well yes, but that was only to find me."_

_"But that was the last place anyone saw Lance alive."_

_"And the last known whereabouts of your deputy before the body was found."_

Howard looks from face to face in utter astonishment. He looks back to Mr Hopkins.

_"But your wife saw us Lucien, in the street this morning."_

_"Yes, and she said you were both acting very peculiarly. She said that you were wearing a mantle thing?!"_

_"Umm, I was. A poncho to be precise, but that's not the point is it."_

Bainbridge takes a step towards him, a knowing twinkle in his eye.

_"But where had you been Sheriff. Why the funny clothes?"_

Howard looks warily around the group again and then back at Dixon.

_"I thought you knew Bainbridge. I had a FALL this morning. Quite a bad one actually. Knocked me out for a bit. Luckily Vince found me and helped me back to town. My trousers were, umm, ripped, so he lent me his poncho."_

Bainbridge grins widely.

_"So you were unconscious were you Sheriff?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Impossible then isn't it for you to know the activities of your deputy during this time?"_

Howard's shoulders sag as he realises his mistake.

_"You can't actually think that Deputy Noir had anything to do with this?"_

He looks again at the group.

_"Monty please."_

_"It's not me Howard. I'm here to support you."_

_"Chalky?"_

_"Howard, I don't even know the lad. I haven't met him yet."_

_"Doctor Bamshoot? You met Vince this morning, surely you couldn't think him capable of this?"_

_"From what I saw I'd say it was highly unlikely. Still he is a stranger in this town and I do think he could help answer a few questions for us."_

Howard's shoulders slump again but he realises that resistance is useless. Instead he nods a few times.

_"OK, I'll get him. But please mind your manners alright, go easy on him."_

Howard turns to Bainbridge and adds,

_"And if you so much as touch a hair on his head.."_

Dixon steps around him and storms up to the door.

_"Back off Sheriff, we just want answers is all."_

He grabs the handle and charges inside yelling "_Oi Pretty Boy!_" taking in the scene of the bath tub and the wet floor and the wall hangings in one swoop.

_"What the..?"_

Howard pushes past him.

_"Vince, it's alright, they just want to ask you a few questions. Vince!"_

Lucien and Doctor Bamshoot go to move inside too but Monty stops them.

_"Let the sheriff get him. The kid's probably scared."_

They all shuffle backwards onto the veranda.

Howard and Dixon however just stand in the sheriff's office staring at each other.

_"Where is he Moon?"_

_"Don't give me this bullshit Bainbridge. You know full well he had nothing to do with Lance's murder. You're just trying to set the lad up."_

Baindbrige smiles cruelly.

_"Well if that's the case Sheriff then where the hell is he?"_

Howard glances around the room again and calls "_Vince_" one more time already knowing that they'll be no answer, knowing that in that back bedroom cell is a small window, knowing that only last year he'd finally gotten around to removing the bars that made him feel so claustrophobic, knowing that someone as skinny and agile as Vince would have no problem at all in slipping through it. And to top it all he knew, with absolute certainty, that somewhere in Moonstone his beautiful electro-kid was hiding in fear and determination, selflessly putting himself in danger in order to take the burden of being compromised off of Howard.

It was at this precise moment, in the middle of all these accusations and foolish choices, at the end of a very bruising and tiring day, that Howard Moon finally allowed himself to accept that he was in love.


End file.
